No, sorry, that's America's Next Top Blogger I'm thinking of, but I got knocked back in the second round. Apparently I'm great for swimwear but I don't really have a couture blog. Anyway, hello. I am Katy Newton.
I usually blog about spiders, internet dating and policemen, but I sense that I may have to come up with some new topics as the competitive blogging intensifies over the next however many weeks I am allowed to stay. This is going to be tough, but I didn't get through the intensive psychological profiling that characterises every level of the selection process for Big Blogger 2007 for nothing. I am nails.
Can I withstand the emotional blackmail, the bullying, the racist abuse, the rampant orgies and the cameras in the bathroom? Who can say? But I'm going to try and brazen my way through by unleashing my inner chav, and to that end I have in this fake Louis Vuitton holdall a variety of tracksuit bottoms with cheeky slogans scrawled on the backside in neon plastic ("Babe", "Gorgeous" and my secret favourite - "FOXY!!!"), some shiny white trainers, a few tight sequinned crop tops, my lucky battery-operated neon flashing navel ring - which is also my prize for the lucky winner, and comes complete with a bottle of witch hazel and Tescos cotton wool balls! - and several tons of blingin' Elizabeth Duke. But dignity is my watchword. Always dignity. Let others debase themselves in public with threeways, fourways, homoerotic fiveways and magums of Tesco Cava in the Jacuzzi. I shall be conducting myself with my customary class and dignity, unless I suspect that I am about to be evicted, in which case all bets are off and anything is possible.
Finally, a warning. Any attempts to bully or emotionally blackmail me shall be met with a combination of controlling manipulation and rampant oversensitivity. Expect several tearstained posts in the Diary Room before I'm out of here. As for the racist abuse, well, don't expect that you can call me Katy Bagel and get away with it. Shilpa Shetty might be prepared to turn the other cheek, but I've got a mobile phone in my knickers and I have the Anti-Defamation League on speed-dial. They'll be coming for your ass. You are on notice, bitches.
As Big Blogger I must advise everyone that if we get any racist, sexist, or bloggist behavious in this here house then you will not only have the Anti-Defamation league on your asses, but you will have one seriously pissed-off Big Blogger on your asses too. And not in a good way.
A telephone in the knickers. Frank Siroco is going to investigate and will meet you, he is on a case, a scientist has been kidnapped.
http://www.youtube.com/aleskander62
Frank Siroco.
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Welcome to the home of Big Blogger 2007. For the next eight weeks or so we will be watching (well, reading) the housemates as they complete their tasks, eake out a meagre existence, and do everything in their power to convince you, the blogging public, that they should be the ones to win the title of Big Blogger 2007. Who will win? You decide... (I could swear I've heard that before somewhere.)
Click on this link if you require any further clarification. And in case anyone is still utterly confused, here are The Rules.
The Housemates
Check out all the freaky weirdos beautiful specimens we've caged up just for you - and all in the name of entertainment too!
And the newbies too:
The House
It's missing a library, a nail salon and a coffee bar, but other than that it's a design masterpiece. You lucky people!
The Diary Room
Little Blogger AKA Minxy is always about nowhere to be seen, and therefore she won't do you a fantastic line in body stockings. Medium-sized Blogger IS there however and he has the world record for making rollies. So GO! NOW!! Do it, before it's too late!
A Concise History
Click the links to go straight to each task and/or each particular housemate's downright ludicrous response:
If you love Big Blogger in an almost entirely non-physical way then be a good sort and whack one of these attractive Big Blogger-themed thingies into your sidebar.
Our Links
Huge thanks go to Lucy Pepper for her wonderful illustrations.
Plus, even though he's not blogging anymore, let's remember Watski for coming up with this godawful idea in the first place.
AND, if you've got 300 years spare time on your hands you could use it to re-read the whole of the original 2005 Big Blogger event. Go on, I dare you.
The only other place we should really link to is the official BIG BROTHER website. After all, they're the ones who bought the rights to the concept in the first place; we're just adjusting it for our own purposes. I'm sure they'll understand.
So if you want intellectual stimulation and laughs-a-plenty, stay right where you are. However, if you want boredom, drudgery and maybe some tits and arse, go there instead.
I know where I'm going. Okay, see you later...
Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
The idea may not be original but everything else on here is of our own making and 100% original. So don't go borrowing unless A) you link back to us, or B) you ask us really really nicely beforehand.
I might have just fallen in love.
Posted by: bob | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 14:07
Cor, I hope I win that navel ring - my pink sparkly one looks mighty dull in comparison.
Posted by: Cat | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 14:16
As Big Blogger I must advise everyone that if we get any racist, sexist, or bloggist behavious in this here house then you will not only have the Anti-Defamation league on your asses, but you will have one seriously pissed-off Big Blogger on your asses too. And not in a good way.
Ps. Give me a goddam picture Miss Newton!
Posted by: Big Blogger | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 14:30
Wow. BB gets so butch on a Saturday morning.
Posted by: bob | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 14:35
Yes Bob, I did that online superhero test a couple of weeks back and apparently I'm The Incredible Hulk.
Yeah, I know.
Posted by: Big Blogger | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 14:51
Commenting! I forgot commenting!
Bob - stick with me, baby, we could be the next Pete and Nikki.
Cat - it is special. It has THREE colours.
Big Blogger - goodness, you are masterful. No racism. Photo. Check.
Posted by: Katy Newton | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 15:12
I did that test BB. Catwoman. Bit upset about that, actually.
Posted by: Joseph | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 15:36
A telephone in the knickers. Frank Siroco is going to investigate and will meet you, he is on a case, a scientist has been kidnapped.
http://www.youtube.com/aleskander62
Frank Siroco.
Posted by: Alex | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 16:39
Spiderman. I can live with that ... although Green Lantern would have been cooler.
Posted by: bob | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 17:16
I am DEFINITELY escaping. I was going to go for a tunnel (had a cunning and devious plan too) but now I have to go for a 'hair-lift'
Might need a 'guide-rabbit' though. Maps round here are a bit crap.
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 01:05
Hi Katy,
Yikes - you'll be hating control freaks then....
*goes off to his corner with a cigarette*
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 01:19
I think Foxy Katy Newton forgot to mention that she has also brought along a posse.
Posted by: clarissa | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 07:31
Coo - that was close. Misread that and thought you said that Katy brought a Pussy..
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 07:41
oh, and I was worried as I didn't bring any cat food, or fish, or anything like that - shit, I'm sobering up.
"Tippler !! Give me that bottle back and stop talking bollocks "
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 07:44
Is that your phone ringing? Want me to get that?
Posted by: penfold | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 10:34
i like bagels.
katy newton bagels are, i suspect, rather tasty too ;)
Posted by: little bugger | Sunday, 03 June 2007 at 12:56
hullo katy. enidd thought a naval ring was something sailors got after a long voyage. she's sooo out of touch!
Posted by: enidd | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 05:29
There is nothing as tasty as a Katy Newton Bagel, Minxy.
hullo enidd. I am liking your dog called Stalin.
Posted by: Katy Newton | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 09:04
SEe U iN the kenel, KAtY? I hf a B0ne.
Posted by: sTaLin! | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 13:14
That's one rule I forgot to tell everyone about.
NO PETS
Swift and terrifying punishment will follow shortly...
Posted by: Big Blogger | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 14:13
Heh, never been part of a posse before, how cool. Do we get gold stars and stuff (Elizabeth Duke presumably....)?
Go Katy!
Or should that be "Stay Katy!" given the BB format,
oh bugger, now that sounds all doggy trainerish which is deffo all wrong.
Think I'd better shut up now.
On with the motley!
Posted by: Dr J | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 17:02
I've been wanting a picture of the lovely Katy for years.
Hi Katy!
Posted by: Ed R | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 04:45
"lucky battery-operated neon flashing navel ring"
Oh my God, I want that so much.
You rule.
Posted by: Clare | Thursday, 07 June 2007 at 22:08
wireless cameras wireless cameras
Wireless Video Sender Wireless Video Sender
Learning Remote Learning Remote
Platinum 5-in-1 Remote Platinum 5-in-1 Remote
Wireless PC MouseRemote Kit Wireless PC MouseRemote Kit
Remote Control Extender Remote Control Extender
Door and Window Sensor Door and Window Sensor
Motion Detector Motion Detector
Security Motion Detector Security Motion Detector
Posted by: security | Thursday, 25 October 2007 at 05:03
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あなたのクレジットカードのショッピング枠 現金化を最短５分で。公安委員会許可。安心と信頼の１８年の優良店。
Posted by: chop | Friday, 06 June 2008 at 04:33