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Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Jeff & Me

I once went to dinner with Iain Banks, and have spent backstage time with numerous musicians and writers, cos, well, I'm a writer and my partner is an ex music journalist and DJ... but that means none of it seems particularly noteworthy to me. I just do stupid things like ask the lead singer, "So who are you then?"

So instead, I'll tell you about Jeff Capes. Remember him? Well no, probably not unless you're as old as me. He was the world's strongest man in the 80s, I think. Or maybe Britain's strongest man. Or maybe just Yorkshire. But he was strong. He could pull trucks with his teeth. Or maybe that was Giant Haystacks.

Anyway. He came to our school when we did some kind of running thing for charity, and every child who ran round the school race track a few times one summer got to have their photo taken with Jeff Capes. There were several hundred children, queuing up one by one to have their moment in front of the camera. In the gym. He put his arm round me. I wore a pink T shirt with darker-pink scalloped trim. I loved that T shirt. It got all misshapen when puberty kicked in, though. Poor man must have been bored stupid.

I still have the picture, but my scanner's broken.

Anyone any good at mending scanners?

Comments

How can you jog with 37 pencils under each bouncing tit? Are they merkan like baywatcha?

And, incidentally, It's Geoff (kind of like ger-off but without the R)

Tsk tsk, silly man, I tape them in place when I'm jogging!

And bother, I was sure I'd spelt it right.

But you could kill squirrels - accidentally like. You could jog on me - I'll be your lesbian.

Got me thinking though.... I'm fairly sure it's Geoff (and he likes budgies I think)

"You could jog on me - I'll be your lesbian."

Blimey. I hate to spoil your dreams, but I'm not in the habit of jogging on lesbians... I have better things to do with them.

I found a great card the other day by Edward Monkton, with a pic of a lesbian in a tree with a cup of tea, and a poem called

LESBIAN POEM

I'm a lovely lesbian
Sitting in a tree
Would you like to come on up
And have a cup of tea?

I also conclude it's "Geoff" no "Jeff". I don't think Giant Haystacks ever did that train pulling thing though. I've met GH, and Big Daddy not to mention Kendo Nagasaki, Tony St. Clair, Mick McManus etc. Nice bunch.

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