I once went to dinner with Iain Banks, and have spent backstage time with numerous musicians and writers, cos, well, I'm a writer and my partner is an ex music journalist and DJ... but that means none of it seems particularly noteworthy to me. I just do stupid things like ask the lead singer, "So who are you then?"
So instead, I'll tell you about Jeff Capes. Remember him? Well no, probably not unless you're as old as me. He was the world's strongest man in the 80s, I think. Or maybe Britain's strongest man. Or maybe just Yorkshire. But he was strong. He could pull trucks with his teeth. Or maybe that was Giant Haystacks.
Anyway. He came to our school when we did some kind of running thing for charity, and every child who ran round the school race track a few times one summer got to have their photo taken with Jeff Capes. There were several hundred children, queuing up one by one to have their moment in front of the camera. In the gym. He put his arm round me. I wore a pink T shirt with darker-pink scalloped trim. I loved that T shirt. It got all misshapen when puberty kicked in, though. Poor man must have been bored stupid.
I still have the picture, but my scanner's broken.
Anyone any good at mending scanners?
Comments
How can you jog with 37 pencils under each bouncing tit? Are they merkan like baywatcha?
And, incidentally, It's Geoff (kind of like ger-off but without the R)
I also conclude it's "Geoff" no "Jeff". I don't think Giant Haystacks ever did that train pulling thing though. I've met GH, and Big Daddy not to mention Kendo Nagasaki, Tony St. Clair, Mick McManus etc. Nice bunch.
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Welcome to the home of Big Blogger 2007. For the next eight weeks or so we will be watching (well, reading) the housemates as they complete their tasks, eake out a meagre existence, and do everything in their power to convince you, the blogging public, that they should be the ones to win the title of Big Blogger 2007. Who will win? You decide... (I could swear I've heard that before somewhere.)
Click on this link if you require any further clarification. And in case anyone is still utterly confused, here are The Rules.
The Housemates
Check out all the freaky weirdos beautiful specimens we've caged up just for you - and all in the name of entertainment too!
And the newbies too:
The House
It's missing a library, a nail salon and a coffee bar, but other than that it's a design masterpiece. You lucky people!
The Diary Room
Little Blogger AKA Minxy is always about nowhere to be seen, and therefore she won't do you a fantastic line in body stockings. Medium-sized Blogger IS there however and he has the world record for making rollies. So GO! NOW!! Do it, before it's too late!
A Concise History
Click the links to go straight to each task and/or each particular housemate's downright ludicrous response:
If you love Big Blogger in an almost entirely non-physical way then be a good sort and whack one of these attractive Big Blogger-themed thingies into your sidebar.
Our Links
Huge thanks go to Lucy Pepper for her wonderful illustrations.
Plus, even though he's not blogging anymore, let's remember Watski for coming up with this godawful idea in the first place.
AND, if you've got 300 years spare time on your hands you could use it to re-read the whole of the original 2005 Big Blogger event. Go on, I dare you.
The only other place we should really link to is the official BIG BROTHER website. After all, they're the ones who bought the rights to the concept in the first place; we're just adjusting it for our own purposes. I'm sure they'll understand.
So if you want intellectual stimulation and laughs-a-plenty, stay right where you are. However, if you want boredom, drudgery and maybe some tits and arse, go there instead.
I know where I'm going. Okay, see you later...
Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
The idea may not be original but everything else on here is of our own making and 100% original. So don't go borrowing unless A) you link back to us, or B) you ask us really really nicely beforehand.
How can you jog with 37 pencils under each bouncing tit? Are they merkan like baywatcha?
And, incidentally, It's Geoff (kind of like ger-off but without the R)
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Tuesday, 19 June 2007 at 03:27
Tsk tsk, silly man, I tape them in place when I'm jogging!
And bother, I was sure I'd spelt it right.
Posted by: Clare | Tuesday, 19 June 2007 at 11:02
But you could kill squirrels - accidentally like. You could jog on me - I'll be your lesbian.
Got me thinking though.... I'm fairly sure it's Geoff (and he likes budgies I think)
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Tuesday, 19 June 2007 at 12:41
"You could jog on me - I'll be your lesbian."
Blimey. I hate to spoil your dreams, but I'm not in the habit of jogging on lesbians... I have better things to do with them.
I found a great card the other day by Edward Monkton, with a pic of a lesbian in a tree with a cup of tea, and a poem called
LESBIAN POEM
I'm a lovely lesbian
Sitting in a tree
Would you like to come on up
And have a cup of tea?
Posted by: Clare | Tuesday, 19 June 2007 at 16:12
I also conclude it's "Geoff" no "Jeff". I don't think Giant Haystacks ever did that train pulling thing though. I've met GH, and Big Daddy not to mention Kendo Nagasaki, Tony St. Clair, Mick McManus etc. Nice bunch.
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