I am not a big fan of rules. Never have been. They stifle the creative process, punish those who deviate from the norm and generally stop me getting away with murder (literally). But have them we must, because without them we would live in anarchy, and as anyone who has been for a night out in Slough will know, it is fun for a few minutes, but then you want to get a taxi back to your nice, safe, rule-abiding home turf.
however, I do not like the name 'Rule'. As such I think I will use something else, and call them Commandments. Yes, that has a nice ring to it. To keep it simple we will have just ten. In fact, I do not know why none has tried a Ten Commandment approach before, it is clearly very straight forward.
So without further ado, the Mr. Angry Big Blogger Ten Commandments:
1. I am the boss of you, thou shalt have no other bosses before me (apart from Big Blogger himself), thou shalt not make for thyself another boss. What I say goes. Init.
2. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy Boss. To be clear, do not make me angry, you wouldn't like it when I am angry.
3. Remember the Sabbath, and all other heavy metal legends, and keep them holy. All playing of anything not on the approved list is banned for a week. I will, of course, be making up the approved list as I go along. James Blunt will not be on it.
4. Honor Big Blogger. He has a hard enough time trying to get me to do anything on time, never mind having to chase the rest of you slackers. Punishments will include, isolation, and ritual humiliation in the form of leaving an involved comment of at least 100 words highlighting your ignorance on a leading political blog of my choice.
5. Thou shalt not murder. Any songs, for clarification. People are fine so long as they are annoying. The use of musical instruments will be banned unless you can actually play them, to my satisfaction.
6. Thou shall commit as much adultery as possible. Let us be honest, there is a distinct amount of copping off in the house so far. Unless I have been excluded, which will not be good (see Commandment 2).
7. Thou shalt not steal anything from me. Everything else is up for grabs. Go forth and pilfer.
8. Thou shall bear as much false witness as possible. We need a bit of controversy, so the best false accusation in the Diary Room will win immunity from this weeks nominations.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she is smoking hot. And seeing as we're all neighbours in this little endeavour, it means you are able to covet all the hotties as much as you like. More flirting people, come on!
10. Thou shalt make nominations private for this week only. Big Blogger will make a request by email, for two nominations. The top three will be up for eviction and the one(s) with the most votes will be gone. Again, I do not know why people have not used this method before. It is obviously a winner.
That should do for now. I will leave those with you whilst I go off to ogle the Big Blogger house hotties.