‘Big Blogger is good?!’ exclaimed the Princess, much more loudly than she had intended.
The agog people turned toward them, each of them with one eye wide and mouths agape, trying to compute what their large, pointy ears had heard but failing due to the low processor speed typical of the species – and these were the elite corps! The Queen placed an elegant finger to her lips in a shush motion noticed only by dual-eyed royals and turned into a private room so the servants wouldn’t be further distracted from the party preparations.
Settling them both onto a pink, fluffy chaise longue the wise matrionarch continued ‘Darling daughter, Big Blogger is not the bogeystabbingmonster that common children’s myth portrays. In truth he plays a fundamental part in much of our adult lives as Royals. Only through his ministrations can we carry out our main duties as leaders of Blogvanistania without the frustrations that afflict the lesserlings and the agogs’
The troubled look that passed over the beautiful countenance of the Princess tugged at all four of the Queen’s hearts so extremely that it caused both her eyes to moisten with emotion. She reached out and held her daughters hand tightly, every part of her being alive and tingling with the awareness that this was the last time she would do so as mother to an innocent offspring. Composing herself, she carried on…
‘The first and, indeed, most important of his lessons will be passed to you during the ceremony you undertake in private tomorrow, as that is when you reach the age to receive his… er, wisdom,’
Finally, she had detailed the doings and stopped for a breath.
‘Mother, I’m afeared!’ said the Princess, in little more than a pathetic whimper.
‘There is no reason to be scared, my sweet, each further step of the journey will become easier and more enjoyable as you find your own path, for there are many to be walked in this field’
With a light kiss to the young girl’s forehead the Queen ended the conversation and went back to overseeing the preparations at the castle, making sure that the big birthday celebration the following day would be the best that Blogvanistania had seen since the Queen’s own 21st, many years ago.
The party was magnificent, the Princess was in a most beautiful dress and surrounded by gifts and flowers brought to her by the lesserlings and agogs that were allowed, for this short time only, to be within touching distance of their Royalty. Soon enough, a gong sounded to announce the arrival of Big Blogger, a gasp went up and the crowds of elf-like and goblinesque creatures dropped the food they had been snaffling and ran for the exits in case he made eye contact with them and turned them to coal, such was his reputation.
The Princess turned to see a tall, well built man, dressed all in black and carrying a small case of some kind. He gazed deeply into her eyes and offered his free hand which she walked slowly towards, her mind torn between fear and excitement and, something else, something this man made her feel that she didn’t quite recognise but she was rather enjoying…
She looked at the case quizzically and, as the door to the private room closed behind them, was heard to say in a deep tone ‘I’ve brought some toys for you…’
The lesserlings and agogs were still outside the castle waiting for news of their princesss. Rumours abounded that Big Blogger was there to stab her bogeys with long, sharp nails and only if she kept both eyes in her head could she be a true princess. Some agogs even suggested they were once royalty and that he’d forced an eye out just for sport but the lesserlings jeered them and pointed out the difference in ears.
Four hours later the door to the private room opened and the princess exited. As was tradition, she walked upstairs to the balcony where the queen was waiting. She took her time, as her legs were very weak and her knees would crumble beneath her at random but finally she made it. The queen saw her awkward gait, loosened clothing, bitten lower lip and hair in complete disarray and smiled at her daughter, opening the balcony doors.
They stepped outside to a roar of cheers and whistles from the underlings. Those at the front could just about see through her mussed hair that she still had both eyes and reported this like wildfire adding details of her dishevelment as spice to the tale
As the noise below them continued, the women, for they were both women now, waved and the Queen asked her daughter if she had enjoyed her first session
‘Oh yes!’ she replied ‘He was fantastic! He knows where all the buttons are, mother! He can turn them on twiddle things around and change the tone according to his will, his toys are like magic wands!’
The Queen looked puzzled
‘He did teach you to use the internet, didn’t he, darling?’
‘Of course, mother! I learned all that in the first five minutes then…’ she tailed off, blushing.
‘Oh’ said the Queen sternly. ‘Big Blogger really is bad!’