Could someone show me the way out?
Could someone show me the way out?
I've already given the All About Eve speech, so moving right along ...
I was whisked out of the house last night to meet a tranny who looked like Davina (when she was still on the smack) and found myself amidst a smattering of applause and one crazy old loon, who reminded me a lot of Carol Kane in The Princess Bride, shouting "Booo. Filth. Rubbish. Booo."
"It's all just panto." I was told.
I've spent the last 24 hours in debriefings (and we all know how painful that can be, 'specially since I was going commando), photo shoots for Heat, and meetings with Katie Price's literary agent. They want to publish my first novel (a riches-to-rags story of a marketing executive turned collocation guru to the Kazakhstan mafia) and my autobiography (an eerily similar story with the names changed, a larger font, and lots of unretouched pictures).
Thanks to everyone who made this such a pleasure, and to the rest of you as well. Big thanks to those who stuck it out to the end (whether you were in the house or not). I'd like to give a special shout out to Penfold who, unbeknownst to him, helped prove that blood is thicker than lust.
"So I suppose this means should vote for you and not the hot surfer guy?" my sister emailed me a few evictions ago.
And a huge special thanks, and several packets of tranquilizers, to Big Blogger for making this all work as well as it did. Ahem. As I used to sigh at brand meetings gone wrong, "don't you just love a good cluster fuck?"
As I said in the house, please give a shout if you're ever in London ... I'd love to meet up outside these secluded confines and buy each of you a proper drink.
PS: I'm really chuffed about keeping my martini scepter and looking forward to receiving my box of Thornton's Continental, a shiny new copy of Lord of the Flies (is this the new version where Piggy fights back?), a DVD of Prison Break, a furry Russian hat (will it smell of Stalin?), dubious gay pornography (excellent!), lint and/or Dutch Cheese, a chainsaw (small but powerful) or some Wurther's (surely those went to Supply Blogger?), a Manneken Pis corkscrew (which hopefully will fare better with red wine than white), booze (although we know somebody who might be able to use those anger management vouchers), the neon navel ring (wheeee, a fresh piercing!), a load of mini Snickers (like there haven't been enough of those), and a bottle of Highland Malt. Hmm, I see some people didn't list their prizes. I'm certain they'll be all the more fabulous for the surprise of it all.
I'm off to my next job now.
Everyone have a lovely holiday.
Don't worry about clearing up - BB can do it with a wave of his mouse [he's very clever you know].
Firstly, let us not forget that the most successful housemate in the history of Big Brother came fourth... Even if she did fall spectacularly from grace at the beginning of the year. Soon I shall be launching my own perfume and beginning my search for an executive assistant.
It's with a heavy heart that I bid you goodnight. I have very much enjoyed my time in the Big Blogger house. New friends ahoy, not to mention all that tequila and chocolate. I was less impressed with the marmite, mind. On a more serious note, it's been good for me to think creatively rather than write boring brochure copy and dull magazine articles. That said, I'm sure my regular blog readers will be delighted not to have me bleating on about votes and polls and get back to my usual thrilling chat about boys, insects, punctuation and my teeth.
Congratulations to lovely Bob, and well done to Big Brother for all his efforts. Have a sausage on me. Supply Blogger, you did a brilliant job of stepping into Minxy's shoes, even though they were a bit high for you.
If you're looking for a Little Blogger for next year, you know where I am.
Good Night Though - The Wonderstuff
I've got my life savings on Cat, with a side bet on Tippler and Bob is wearing my shirt - I can't lose! This is SOOOO exciting!!!!!!
Three cheers for Big Blogger - for surely he is the one we all admire for stamina, wit and a really bad temper.
and hurrahs for everyone who took part - they're all deranged.
This is it - the final day.
The winner will receive the spoils and the losers will leave with nothing. [I'm turning into Anne Robinson now, very worrying].
It's neck and neck, although some necks are longer than others.
Vote as though it mattered, keep us on the edge of our seats, hold a street party and hug a friend.
By the way the result of my battle with BB was that my cocktail sausage got a good pounding from his whopping fat Lincolnshire - he is 'The Man' as if I ever doubted it. Therefore I have lost the right to cast 100 votes today. [Bam bam, I got all power freaky for a little while. Going to suck my thumb now and probably sulk].
RESULTS - 9 p.m. [or possibly a little later if there's some dusting to do]
Hello, Supply Blogger. Cat here. I was going to come bearing gifts, but I see Bob's already beaten me to it. As if he needs to resort to bribery! So instead I'm going to give you five good reasons that people should vote for me and hope for the best.
1) I am the only girl left in the house. Not only would winning be a victory for women-folk across the land, but it would also be compensation for living with these stinky boys for the last eight weeks. Come on sisters. Vote for Cat.
2) Barely anyone knows I have a blog, so other than the people who read it, I can't ask for votes. Feel sorry for me!
3) I have a fabulous eviction dress. But if I come last, I'm going to hide in the cupboard with the shame of it, so no-one will get to see it until Geoff removes me with force.
4) Last time I won anything was in primary school. And even then it was the sack race.
5) I am great.
Winner Takes it All - ABBA
I have asked BB to give me 100 votes and therefore to be able to control who is the ultimate winner of Big Blogger 2007. I think he trusts me.
If you go back and read the small print, this was always an option that anyone could have taken up, even one of the Blogmates.
I'm pretty sure that I am the first one to request it and expect to receive an email soon giving me the enabling codes.
You must remember the roots of this 'game' - see the pilot edition from 1984 before the internet was on general release - BIG BLOGGER IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL.
Do keep trying to win favour but your fate has already been decided.
Have a nice day.
Ooooo.....I do like a bribe!
De dum de dum de dum de dum de dum de dum.
Twiddle fingers, scratch nose, drum fingers, look out of window, make a cup of tea, go shopping, think of Uma Thurman, twiddle .................
It's quite lonely in here you know with no-one to talk to.
De dum de dum de dum de dum.
I can vote you know and I have literally several friends - one's even got access to the interweave - think about it Blogmates.
De dum de dum de dum
So, Angelalala is out. As she's said she'll bounce back using her frontage.
That leaves Cat, Bob and Tippler.
[I'm continuing to keep this simple as BB's explanation was covered in flour and sprinkles]
You NOW vote for the Blogmate you want to WIN - in other words don't go near the other two that you don't want to win. The voting is coming in thick and fast [the thickest and yet, strangely, the fastest have cast their votes already for today].
Remember tomorrow is yet another day and you can VOTE again.
The voting ends at 9 p.m.BST on Monday evening - any votes cast after this time will not be counted but you could still be charged for wasting your time.
I'm off to exchange some recipes with BB.
One of the many good things about having fabulous boobs is that when I topple off my heels I bounce back up. And that's what I'll do. As soon as I've finished sobbing and ranting incoherently.
I mean, who ever remembers the one that came fourth? Can you name the fourth horse in this years Grand National? Fourth in any previous Big Brothers? Oh, hang on...
JADE is the first of the final four to be voted out of the Big Brother House this evening, putting the blonde motormouth in fourth place overall.
Buggerations. And Bob ftw!
Angelalala is toppling - which I find hard to believe.
Tippler is tippling - no surprise there.
Bob is bobbing - just keeping his head above water.
Cat is swimming - which is unusual for a feline but not unknown.
If there's someone you hate, really despise or just don't like the sound of, cast your vote.
Many Bloggers suffered to win the right to vote. If you don't use it ............
Remember you can vote everyday and it's all very discreet.
I've voted today and I don't mind telling you who it was.
It was ................oooooo..........someone's at the door
Ok, I know what's going on. BB is far too wordy. The state of play is as follows:-
There are only four Blogmates left, all the rest have left. Bunkshaped did a bed last night.
I've snuck a look at the poll [wouldn't it be good if when you voted it said "Who's a pretty boy then?" - but it doesn't - a missed opportunity I think].
Angelalala is winning with loads of votes, Tippler is second, Bob third and bringing up the rear is Cat.
[I'm just receiving a message in my ear-piece ....... hang on ............right..............right...............ok. Right, apparently I'm wrong. Getting votes is VERY BAD ......naughty
You are voting for the person you want EVICTED - I can't be clearer than that.
If Blogmates want a massage, ego or physical, do pop in.
What Happens Here
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Minxy Medium-sized Blogger Supply Blogger resides. It's also where the blogmates come to vent their spleens, request boiled eggs, fart a bit, and moan after being forcibly removed from the house upon eviction.
In other words, it's a bit of a free-for-all. Ah well, enjoy!
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