timboblog

Sorting out

It's time to get my house in order. Too much energy has been expended on nothing much at all, because I have things I need to deal with that I'm not going to into in any detail on here, but rest assured that they are major things. And I need to get back to being a decent human being again, for my sake, for my girlfriend's sake,and just for the sake of sake in general.

Thinking about dealing with things makes me happy, so fuck knows how happy actually sorting it all out is going to make me.

Anyway, that will all happen as it happens.

The birthday semi-weekend was great. It pretty much revolved around a shitload of party nibbles (vol au vents, bhajis, crisps, sausage rolls, etc.) and balloons (you've got to have balloons), with some pressies, music and a birthday surprise thrown in for good measure. I think I may have lucked out in managing to find one of Charlotte's Top 5 Favourite Bands of The Moment™ playing a small venue in Brighton at incredibly short notice. I may never be able to luck out again. How depressing yet pleasing at the same time this fact is.

It was a great gig apart from having The Loudest Joan As Policewoman Fan In The World Ever stood immediately behind me for the whole show, drowning out the vast majority of all other sound in the venue with her tumultuous bellowing, during and between all the songs. And don't you just hate people who cheer a song a whole ten seconds before it's finished? I fucking really do. Me and Charlotte were thinking the same thing and were praying for the band to play some songs she didn't know the words to, and thankfully they obliged. Those three or four songs were pure bliss, I tell you.

In rabbit news, little Koko is still titchy, but isn't trying to bite my legs off anymore which is extremely heartening. Instead, she now tries to lick me to death, which in my eyes would definitely be one of my preferred methods of dying. She appears to be in the midst of her 'I want to be a mummy' phase, so is all energetic, loving, and NEEDS to groom something like her life depends on it. In the absence of baby rabbits me and Charlotte are fulfilling this role, and acting as surrogate lickable things for her. It's really rather adorable, as is she.

Now, time for some leftover birthday cake methinks.

Oh, and when it comes out you must watch Sicko. It's fucking amazing. (And yes, I'm a bad man.)

Fucked by life in general

Things happen.

They always seem to do this.

Bloody annoying it is too.

You know (I'm sure that you do), you get the urge to have a good old-fashioned relax. Generally involving plump cushions, pina coladas and a foot massage. Maybe some dusky maidens, or even better, my girlfriend.

Then it all goes to tits in a maelstrom of bollocks.

It could be argued that my explanation... interpretation... whatever you want to call it, leaves a little to be desired, but I personally think that the phrase 'maelstrom of bollocks' says all that needs to be said.

The maelstrom of bollocks this evening has consisted of me mistakenly believing that I could setup a new internet router and wireless network in 15 minutes. I possibly set the bar a bit high there, but you have to have dreams don't you? Obviously, it took me an hour and a half. This was made up thusly:

>Plugging everything in = 2 minutes
>Running the installation disk = 5 minutes
>Running the 'easy wireless connection' thingy = 1 minute
>Realising that the 'easy wireless connection' thingy isn't working = 2 minutes
>Pressing various buttons randomly = 10 minutes
>Installing things on the laptop hopefully = 2 minutes
>Realising that that's not working either = 5 minutes
>Uninstalling and reinstalling  it again just in case = 15 minutes
>Trying the 'easy setup' thing again = 10 minutes
>Repeatedly restarting the PC only to find it's still not fucking doing what it's told = 15 minutes
>Having a sit down = 3 minutes
>Deciding to read the PDF manual  = 1 minute
>Reading the manual = 3 minutes
>Trying a different setup thing online = 10 minutes
>Giving up with that bollocks and deciding to just try and set a network up on the laptop = 2 minutes
>Windows network setup thing faling miserably = 1 minute
>Doing the same but with the Intel wireless setup thingy instead = 2 minutes
>Finally getting a fucking wireless connection! = 1 minute

As you can see, I could have been done and dusted in THREE MINUTES if I'd NOT done what the manufacturers told me to do. Two words: Fucking Bastards.

Still, it's done now, and I can sleep soundly again. Sound in the knowledge that I've lost an hour and 27 minutes that I will never get back, but have also saved myself almost £20 a month in broadband bills. So that's okay.

What isn't okay is that sweet little Koko the bunny has some sort of split personality disorder and thinks that she's a sabre-toothed tiger. A very small but incredibly vicious one at that, so much so that as of last night I have a medium sized chunk of skin missing from my hand. We've banished her to the yard tonight and this seems to have calmed her down a bit. She grunts too. Fluffy weirdo.

We've lost another rabbit too. Little Honey dumpling. I really really miss him, the poor little guy.

I'm angry as well as sad because this house is apparently a rabbit death trap.

That's four in the last year that it's claimed, none of them over two years old. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not normal. So we're gonna have to move, for the sake of the rabbits if nothing else. It's good here and it's close to the sea, plus it's super cheap for Brighton, but it's falling apart, has deep-lying damp all about the place, wallpaper coming off randomly, strange tiny bugs in the kitchen, and it gets fuck all daylight what with it being the basement flat. So we just have to get our shit together, get some money, sort ourselves out and go.

Easy!

Loose ends

I don't like being quick or curt, because by nature I'm a bit of a waffler, but I'm going to have to curb my waffling tendencies today and get straight to the point, because I have loads to catch up on. I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that as I expected, managing and editing and generally pulling everything together on this Big Blogger thing is taking up a large chunk (or all) of my designated blogging time, so this blog is definitely going to be pretty neglected over the next couple of months. I don't intend to not do anything, as that would be pretty weak of me, but there is certainly going to be an air of shutters banging the windows  in deserted houses, wind whistling through treeless branches, and tumbleweeds blowing down the street, to this blog. It can't be helped I'm afraid, unless I suddenly grow an extra brain, an extra set of arms, and buy a second computer - none of which are going to happen, so everyone is going to have to cope.

I'd also like to say that I really do LOVE bloggers. Not all of them, because some are mental, scary and total weirdos, but most of them (at least, the ones I have the pleasure of dealing with) seem to be admirable and lovely people, generous to a tee, and friendly in the utmost. After all, without blogging I would never have got to know and/or receive gifts from a resident of Scotland (I've never been there, so this is very true), a variety of lovely lesbians, some Brazilian geezer, what seems like half the population of Belgium, and I definitely wouldn't have been the surprised recipient of a packageful of dried fish from the icy tundra that is Iceland. I haven't touched it yet, because to be totally honest with you I'm a bit scared. Do I heat it up? Do I grill it? Am I supposed to eat it raw? I haven't got a clue. It reminds of the first time I had snails put in front of me; I was at a complete loss as to what should be done with it. So much so, that I didn't really do anything. I kind of sucked it for a bit, chewed a little, and then dribbled it back out onto the plate. I mean, that might have been how you're supposed to eat it. I just don't know. If nobody tells you otherwise you end up coming up with your own preferred style of eating, and that was mine. Dribbling.

So thankyou to you all. Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, lurks, and generally makes this whole blogging thing even more liberating than it already is. When I first started this particular blog after a hiatus of about a year from the old blog, I purposefully declared that I didn't give a toss whether anyone read it or not. This is still pretty true, because even if nobody read this guff that comes out of my brain, I would still write it down. I find the process extremely cathartic and a great way of getting things out into the world that I probably wouldn't have the balls or the wherewithal to say in everyday conversation. But despite that, I do love the 'community' feel that having a loyal band of readers brings. I am also amazed by the quality of writing that endures throughout the blogs that I have the pleasure of reading. You lot are bloody interesting and very good at writing in a bloody interesting way, and my online life would almost certainly be an awful lot duller without you.

Gordon recently wrote a post where he asked all his readers to leave a comment, even if just to say "hello", so he could get some idea of how many people actually read his site. I'd love to try the same thing, but I'm scared of damaging my weak and pitiful ego to such a degree that it may never recover, so instead I'll say DON'T COMMENT. If I get no comments that means that I have ten million readers who all love me dearly. Ahh, it's gonna be a good night's sleep tonight...

It's also Blog of the Month time, and without any further fannying about I am proud to announce that the winner is The Overnight Editor! His blog is very special, his writing unlike any other, and his creativity and surrealness apparently know no bounds. I nominated him for Post of the Week a couple of times last month for writing some of the most entertaining stuff I've read in ages, so I have absolutely no problem in awarding him this measly little honour.

Well done OE! Your award (in jpeg form) will be winging it's way to your inbox very shortly.

Second to lastly, I must make it abundantly clear that A) Charlotte and myself have not gotten married (one day, one day...), and B) I have not married the rabbit. Not only is this very very illegal, I think, but it's also something only a total loony could think of. Yes, I'm talking to you Goth. I do love the rabbit, but not in that bestial and downright perverted way.

And lastly, a back update. All is better than it was. The left shoulder froze up this week after I slept on it funny, but some stretches have eased the pain, plus I have an hour long deep tissue massage lined up for the Friday after next, which should be fucking brilliant. I am also doing everything I can to maintain a tip-top posture at all times. I do slouch occasionally, and I will be the first to admit that, but I know when I've been bad and so am at least fully aware of what I'm doing to my body; something which was certainly not the case before I started this course of physio.

And that's that.

In the next post I will describe The Wedding. And there are no rabbits involved at any stage.

Everyone's ill

Well, me and the rabbit, to be precise.

I've got the cushy end of the bargain, in that all that's dodgy about me is my back (I'm sure someone somewhere - possibly very close to home - thinks that that's not the only thing that's dodgy about me, and that statement is 'asking for it' I believe). I've been to the physio, who duly prodded and thumbed and generally hurt me quite alot, which is what I get for being bad to my back for so long.  The pain stays but gets lesser the longer the prodding goes on, so it's kind of a shame that the sessions are only 20 minutes. That's the NHS for you. Still, she strapped me up in tape (not in a kinky way obviously) to give my shoulder a bit of a rest, and allow some other muscles to take the strain, as apparently every little thing that I do is causing the affected muscles to tense up and get all knotted, which means that it's almost a one-step-forward, two-steps-back situation, and that's rubbish. So today I look like a weedy version of Robocop, with my shoulders all pulled back and my upper body wrapped in strapping. It's weird but good!

The rabbit, on the other hand, has had a bit of a rough week. The poor fella had to spend a couple of days at the vets (being waited on hand and foot with supplies of fresh dandelions, I might add) due to a severe case of lagomorphic bloating, or in laymans terms a bad case of wind. This may not sound terribly worrying, but whereas you and I have the option of letting it all out with one mighty beltch, rabbits don't, because they can't burp or fart. Their little delicate digestive systems operate in such a way that basically everything that goes in has to go out, and when things don't go out it's bad. This can be caused by furballs, eating something that doesn't agree with them, or becoming stressed out all of a sudden, which is what happened in this instance. The poor little fella jumped out of my arms and walloped his head on the patio wall the other afternoon, and we were really worried about him because he looked like he'd broken his jaw. His mouth was all out of alignment, but it must have just been the shock of it that was causing the facial deformity because thirty seconds later his mouth went back to normal. So we thought he was all fine and dandy, but later that evening he just wasn't acting his usual self. He was pretty dozy and way more relaxed than normal, and after deciding to keep him in the bedroom overnight in case his condition worsened we were treated to a symphony of bunny stomach gurgles. So here's the news: they can't fart, but they can gurgle like a motherfucker.

Anyway, I took him to the vet, because after what happened to Hazel and Poppy a little while back we didn't want to lose another bunny. The nice veterinarian checked him out, gave him some painkillers, and diagnosed him as suffering from bloating. They had to give him a miniature bunny-sized stomach pump apparently, to release the wind, and they got some undigested food and fur out of him too. Now he's all back to normal, thank God, and so far he's the only bunny we've had that has survived an overnight stay at the vets, so by the look of it he's got luck on his side. He's also quite tough and muscley, which must help. I've had to give him thrice daily doses of medicine to keep his tummy rolling over as normal, and despite a bit of thrashing about and him desperately trying to evade my grasp, he's been surprisingly amiable. As long as I stop him being able to rear his head up he seems to stay in a position where I can get the syringe into his mouth no problem. Once it's in he has no issues with taking his medicine down, which is brilliant. He's a very well behaved bunny!

So yes, sorry for waffling about my rabbit, but I love him very much.

Love me, love my rabbit.

Ps. There's a new post up at Big Blogger. It's not much, but it's something. Get over there now please...

As requested

For Mr.X: Charlotte took this picture of a dew-covered, dumpling-shaped rabbit through the back door the other day. I think it's a gorgeous photo.

And this is for those who requested a 'Goth' shot. Happy now?

UPDATE - This photo has been changed because it frightens Charlotte. We can't be having that now, can we? See the original 'scary' photo here.

Honestly, one of these days I'm gonna kill our neighbour, the noisy fucktard.

Licky thump

My head is so out of it this evening, I may as well have it dunked in a medium bucket of suet as be writing this. Must go to bed at a more amiable hour and then sleep soundly for once. For health reasons my mum has got me on the aloe vera drinking juice stuff (she sent me four hefty bottles of it, the fine woman that she is), so add that to the usual daily vitamin concoction and unusually some time spent outside of the flat walking about and the like, and you have health city Timbo! Like I said, just need a kip now.

I had a physiotherapy session the other day regarding my gammy shoulder. I'd put it off for about five years due to a plethora of shit GP's, bad advice, too much moving around, and all the other day-to-day crap that gets in the way of things that actually need to be sorted out quite urgently, but now I'm being proactive about fixing my ailing body and it's already having a beneficial effect. The nice lass who made me wince in pain at every other prod and push diagnosed me as having "a very tight back", something I could have easily told her in all honesty. It appears it's all down to being right-handed, having bad posture and using the wrong muscles;  my thoracic curve and cervical curve (see picture on the right - click for a close-up) are getting a bit too curvy, and this is a bad thing, so I have to try and reverse this asap by getting into the correct shape, spine-wise. That I couldn't have told her. So, as well as some general muscle kneading and assorted pulling and pushing I have been given the task of getting my posture in order. Either that or my shoulder stays the way it is at the moment, the other one gets crap too, I start suffering from arthritis and then finally I get a nice attractive hump in my back. I do not fucking want any of those things, so overnight I have morphed into Posture Man!

I have all these exercises to do which immediately made my back feel different. I'm supposed to pull my arms back, stretch my neck muscles, re-shape my upper spine and neck, and get my back muscles into the correct position, ie. the position they are currently not in. At first my back hurt when I adopted the so-called neutral pose, but now it's starting to hurt when I'm not in the neutral pose. I think this is a good thing, as it's stopping me slouching, or at the very least making me acutely aware of when I am doing so. It's also stopped my shoulder hurting as much, which I assume must be because I'm using the muscles in a different way. Fuck knows to be honest, but it seems to be doing something and that's better than nothing.

Other good news (touch wood) is that we have the healthiest rabbit in the world. I took Honey to the vets last Friday and the vet gave him possibly the most glowing reference I've ever heard a vet give a rabbit. He has (and I quote) "a gorgeous coat", "a beautiful demeanour", "perfect teeth", and the toenails on his hind legs were so spot on length-wise she didn't even have to trim them at all. AND he was very well-behaved indeed. Yes, he thumped a couple of times on the bus there, but so did I cos I fucking hate the bus.

Lastly, and in a topically Eurovisional vein, here's a video. Come on Ireland!

Ps. According to this test I'm The Hulk. Would you Adam-and-Eve it?

Shorter list

It's a listy kind of week, or so it would seem.

Firstly, big...no...huge...no...MASSIVE shouts out to lovely Anna who, as well as being the proud owner of one of mostest popularist blogs in Ingerland, is also a very bloody nice person. She answered my desperate twitter request for a copy of last weekend's Guardian magazine (as well she might seeing as she works for them) and this morning I received it in the post. Hurrah! But that is not all. Oh no. She also enclosed a veritable feast of Guardian-related delights ranging in usefulness from a mousemat (with obligatory coffee cup stains) via a random spare office plaster to an empty chocolate bar wrapper. I'm slightly upset that I mistimed my request slightly and therefore missed out on some vibrating cockrings, but you can't have everything can you?

Secondly, Midnight Caller (who may or may not be my girlfriend) has thrown down the gauntlet to Marcos in the 'Denise The Piece' competition, which means that I will at least have to make some sort of judgement come deadline day. Remember, Monday lunchtime. After that you're all buggered.

Thirdly, this story (sent my way by The Girl the other day) made me go "ahhhhh" . Unfortunately the 'ahhhs' turned to 'oh no's' after I saw this story (link from Meg, who happens to be Anna's sister - small world eh?). I don't know whether to be happy about the rabbits mellowing out and enjoying their freedom, or to be sad that so many of them died. I think I shall be both happy and sad. There's no law against that I think, not yet anyway.

And lastly, here's an old REM video I found on YouTube a while back and never got round to posting. It's really really good, show's that they were young once and that Michael Stipe did actually have hair, but more importantly reminds me why I like them so much. Shame about their godawful last record. Here's hoping the next one will be better.

Ps. To anyone who's interested, the new Rufus Wainwright album is great. Some info about it here.

The new arrival

Meet Koko*, our new baby rab.

Isn't she adorable?

She was born on Valentine's Day too, so she's a romantic bunny, and she's super friendly and seemingly unfazed by anything much. She hasn't met Honey yet, and I'm not looking forward to introducing them as Honey tends to dislike most things apart from me and Charlotte, but it has to be done at some point. Joy!

* Koko is Japanese and apparently means 'of the night'.  Rather fitting seeing as she is black all over.

Poppy and Hazel

Yesterday two of our three rabbits died.

I woke up to find Poppy and Hazel lying in the middle of the backyard together, facing each other, with their paws touching. I don't know what had happened. An old hutch that we kept on top of the new hutches had collapsed and the door had come off, but it didn't appear that they had been hit by anything. They might have eaten something bad from the frame of the old hutch. I really don't know.

But they looked so peaceful. When we first got Hazel, Honey and then Poppy we had such a struggle getting any of them to be friendly to each other. There would be fighting, growling, biting and fur would fly all over the shop every time we put them in the same space. But then about six months ago we just tried leaving Hazel and Poppy outside together to see what would happen. I watched over them in case they started trying to kill one another, but rather than do that they started to court each other. Poppy acted all coy and nervous, while Hazel acted all randy and curious. He would run up to her to check her out and she would run to the other side of the yard. This went on for about two or three days, with the two of them getting gradually closer as the time passed, and with Poppy not running as far away as before each time he came up to her. She even got up the courage to check him out rather than vice versa. And so started their love affair.

Since then they spent pretty much all the time they could do together. The only time they were seperated was when they needed to be in seperate hutches due to space. But when they were out they would always feed together (from the same bowl even though there were two), sit together,  groom each other, play together, and huddle together to sleep or keep warm. They were beautiful and very much in love.

It's just a total tragedy that they're gone. They were so funny and had their own little weird ways. Hazel would always come to the back door and scrabble at it, like he really wanted to come in. Yet when you went and opened the door for him he would run away and hide under one of the hutches. Then you'd close the door and he'd come back and scrabble again, then run away again. And so on and so forth. Mad little bugger. And Poppy would always run around like an excitable child when I took her food out. She'd run in circles and climb up my legs. She bloody loved her food. When she was really happy she'd flop about and show her belly off too. God I'm going to miss them.

The only vaguely consoling thing in this for me, is that they were together at the end - in each other's arms if you will - and so are together in death as they were in life. It's not much, and it certainly doesn't lessen the pain of their loss, but at least they had each other, right up until the end.

Poppy

Hazel

We will miss you both so much.

The rabbit that got left out

It's a sad story.

Once upon a time there was a little rabbit. He was the one of three that belonged to a loving family. Problem was, he didn't much get on with the other two rabbits. In fact, whenever one of the other two came by to say hello, he would get all het up and aggravated, and would try and kick seven shades of shit out of them! Fur would fly, feet would scamper, teeth would bite and the atmosphere would get very frosty indeed. After this happened on a good dozen or more occasions the loving family started to realise that the little rabbit might not want to be friends with the other rabbits, which they thought was very sad! Especially so, seeing as the other two got on famously and exchanged happy nuzzles and licks all the time. The strange thing about the lonely bunny was that he seemed to very much enjoy the company of his human family. With them he behaved like a  completely different rabbit. He was friendly, licked them on their foreheads and arms, loved the attention they gave to him and was a wonderful and loving companion. The humans wondered whether he would be lonely when he wasn't with them, and whether he could ever become friends with the other rabbits. But he didn't seem to mind being on his own. In fact he seemed very happy, especially when he got to have a run about outside! The only time he wasn't happy was when the dad of the family put pictures of the other rabbits on his website, but didn't include a picture of him too. Well, you'd be upset too! So, realising his error, the dad apologised to the little rabbit and promised to put his picture on the internet. And here it is.

 

Click on the pics for bigger versions of the little rabbit. Isn't he a pretty one?

THE END