Hello everybody, my name is Joseph and no one knows who I am. This could be good as all the pressure is off. No expectations to be met here. Or it could be a bitter, uphill struggle to win your love and affection. Thank God I brought my ice picks.
I'm the obligatory slightly poofy one and as such entered the house wearing my fabulous Elton John-esque Marie Antoinette costume. I'm keeping the little toy boat but there's a fuck load of wig and feathers left over if anyone wants to make a nest.
My suitcase contains none of the things I would be wearing if I was slacking off in my own house for seven weeks. Those things are not fit for broadcast. What are here are my favourite linen trousers, mix 'n' match scarf/belt combos, a three piece suit and an over-sized t-shirt I once spilled macaroni and cheese down and has never quite been the same.
Qualities I bring to the house are an ability to offend by saying nothing, the insistance* that everyone join me for a morning run round the garden, the promise of obscene behaviour once you pour enough gin down my throat and at least one showtune, declaration of love and hissy fit. I also cook a mean spag bol.
Other talents include staying well out of any fights until comforting
every member of the group by dishing dirt on the others. See also being
charming to everyone before venting my spleen in the Diary Room for six
hours.
Things I simply do not care about: Football; films involving Ben Stiller; what you did on that LARPing weekend; Harry Potter.
Things I will talk about at length: The musical genius of whoever; the use of correct spelling, punctuation and grammar in today's society; who I fancy off of the telly; old Pete and Dud sketches.
I have also brought a small bottle of absinthe, a bag of chewing nuts, a toy rabbit named Toby, a pack of cards, some baccy for when I need to buy friends and this patch of dry flaky skin on my left elbow that I've only just noticed. Huh.
The prize I offer to the winner is this shiny new copy of Lord of the Flies by William Golding.
Nice to meet you
J.
* Yes, I spelt it wrong. Ta very much to Blue Witch for kicking me off my high horse.
yerk, did someone mention ukraine? please try not to do that, it gives enidd nightmares. and that happens quite a lot, cos she lives ther- uh, in molvania.
ahem. hi joseph. you and enidd have a lot in common. she's not fond of harry potter, football or ben stiller. she hasn't the foggiest clue what larping is, but suspects she wouldn't want to do it straight after dinner. do you like creme eggs? (this is a trick question.)
Posted by: enidd | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 04:59
I am ready to help you, set questions. Together we can find the decision.
P.S. Please review our icons for Windows 8
Posted by: lebeaulebeau icons | Tuesday, 11 September 2012 at 13:11