Friends, Romans, Housemates...

Some of the best parties I ever attended were at University. The themes were as varied as 'favourite fruit', 'Wonkey Donkey' to 'Sexual Fantasy'.  But, despite these many varied drunken extravaganza's, the best, by far were the Toga parties.

So, this will be the basis of my Big Blogger party.  I apologise in advance to our dyslexic housemate, and it will be incumbent on all of us to ensure he does not come dressed a goat*. 

Now, in keeping with the togas that we will be wearing, I be basing the entire evening around some of the greatest parties ever held in the history of hedonism.  Yes, the Roman orgies.  Of course, those housemates that know their history (or can use Wikipedia) will know that this isn't necessarily a sexual thing. It can be, of course, you know, if you want?  Ladies?

Whilst we wait for any potential debauchery to begin, there will be magnificent and exotic foods (all non vegetarian, I am sorry - but you can not have a magnificent vegetable, it is not possible), spit-roasted animals, exquisite wines served in golden chalices, and various games put on for our entertainment.

Now, in the olden days these games would involve gladiators and slaves and animals and fights to the death etc etc.  But obviously this would contravene one or two modern laws and also accepted party etiquette (nothing brings a party down like the death of a couple of guests. Trust me.  It is really hard getting people to dance after that).  Plus, I do not want Big Blogger taken off of the Internet.  So I intend to bring these games up to date.

In today's modern society women are the equal of men, so let us dispense with the musclebound gladiators and slaves, and instead bring in the finest specimens of athletic womanhood that can be found at quite short notice and that can be convinced to attend a party on the Internet.  Secondly, we cannot have a fight to the death, as that is barbaric, obviously, and volunteers would be a little thin on the ground. Instead we will have a fight till, err, one concedes to the other!  Yes!  That will work!

Also, we have an issue in the fact that the Big Blogger house is not big enough to host a Roman amphitheater, so we will need something a bit smaller, like a mid-sized inflatable paddling pool.  Unfortunately, these pools are sometimes made of rubber, so to avoid burns and unwanted chaffing we should ensure the pool is adequately filled with some form of lubricant.  To prevent injury.

We in the Big Blogger house are watched by literally dozens of people, so we can not be seen as racist,  and for that reason alone I will be seeking competitors from all over the globe in places such as Scandinavia, Latin America, and the Philippines.

Now, I know what you might be thinking.  Mr. Angry has just come up with a convoluted way of getting fit women from around the world to wrestle for him in a paddling pool.  Well you are wrong.  Very wrong.  It is the laws of the land that demand both equality and relative safety. So if watching near-naked women writhing around in gallons of lubricant for our entertainment is what it takes to keep me on the right side of the law, then so be it.

* Joke courtesy of about 100 million people on the Internet

Comments

[bob]

Um, the cluedo-less Jodie and Jordan and Jade ... to the death. I'm certain there will be no complaints. It's really more of a public service.

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No complaints, true, but the entertainment value of watching a near naked Jade Goody...?

* A little bit of sick just came up *

[me]

i despair ... but in an amused way.

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From pimpmyblogger to straight-out pimpin', hmmm?

Good idea.

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if another little bit of sick comes up, im goin' to be very cross! grr.

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