I will do no more than list some of the encounters in brief. You can decide which one is best; I have given them my own rating, but don't be led by silly old me!
Jonny Ball: In a Winnebago on top of a cliff just outside Brighton, c. 2002. He taught me some maths that I understood (for the first time), while the wind blew outside. It was really good. He also told me that Norman was "a really nice chap". (7/10)
Michael Winner: "Mr Winner, I am afraid we cannot shoot that, as it is not in the script". "Do you know who I am, darling?" (1/10)
Julian Lennon: Played with me when I was a small child. Gave me a monkey. Can't remember it, but my mother says it's true. (9/10)
Denise van Outen: "No, I'm not doing that." We were asking her to hold a newspaper. (2/10)
Fat bird out of Emmerdale, Lisa thing: Really nice. Didn't want to go in a harness in a fairy costume. (8/10)
Terry Venables, pretending to be a burger van owner. "Don't look at the top of my head love, it's dusty up there". Diamond. (8/10)
Michael Owen, pretending to be a trainee hamburger van owner. Tiny voice, like a child. Nice. (6/10)
Vinny Jones. Scary. Ate cake. (3/10)
Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. Fucking legend. Free hot tips for my flat, involving strips of suede on the wall. Ignored him, mind you. Very funny. (9/10)
Kelvin McKenzie: "I'm going to dig a tunnel for you from there to here, so you can pop up when I need you. Tell me about your family. See him? He's a cunt." (9.99/10)
Nick Bateman out of Big Brother: Saw his dick in the bath once. (0.00001/10)
Andrew Lincoln: not that famous, just a really nice man even when he was on This Life and everyone wanted to see him naked. Gave me some of his tangerine. (9.5/10)
Chris Tarrant: sprawling cockmonkey one day, quite nice a week later. Sounds like he is pretending to do his own voice. Annoying. (2/10)
Mystic Meg: You don't need me to tell you what I thought. (4/10)
Niall FitzGerald: A gent. (8/10)
Sofia Loren: quite boring (2/10). Tried to stick her spoon in my panacotta. Annoying.
Anthony Quinn: Did TV thing with my brother, who was miming a French song. Had colouring books. Didn't meet him myself but he sounded weird and my brother held his hand, so he counts. (4/10)
Rick Wakeman: playing the organ at a wedding my parents went to once. Wasn't there myself, but feel that I was. "Who is that playing Yes on the organ really badly?" "Oh. Rick Wakeman." (9.999999/10)
Paula Hamilton: did some fashion TV progamme bollocks with her. She told me I have good legs, when anyone with eyes can see I don't (much in the same way that anyone with eyes can see my immense and ethereal beauty). Virtually retarded. Twat. Mad. (1/10)
And that's just the 'D' list!
I'm pushing for Wakeman as it goes, even though I wasn't actually there. What do YOU think?
I think you are an effing genius is what I think. But for the vote I'm going old school with Johnny Ball. Of all the people you mentioned he is the person I would like to meet most as I grew up watching him.
Posted by: tim m | Thursday, 21 June 2007 at 02:15
LL Bowen. The choice of a new generation.
Posted by: Big Blogger | Thursday, 21 June 2007 at 08:59
I'll have Andrew Lincoln and Vinny Jones.
Naked and covered in warm chocolate caramel please.
Posted by: Angelalala | Thursday, 21 June 2007 at 10:59
Yes, Johnny Ball wins. Educational too! Bargain.
Posted by: Clare | Monday, 25 June 2007 at 15:17
But... you went out with Nick Bateman! Oh. My. God.
Posted by: Clare | Monday, 25 June 2007 at 15:17
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