If I have learned just one thing about Politics, it is that you need to put yourself in a position to benefit from any good things that you do, but maintain a sufficient level of plausible deniability for when things inevitably go tits up.
For this reason, I intend to surround myself, as Prime Minister, with the greatest thinkers that the Blogowebosphere has to offer. Of course, if things go wrong I will make them disappear so quickly you will be wearing ribbons in their memory within the week. But for now, this is a team you most definitely would vote for.
Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service
Well, that is me, obviously. I take the glory, and deflect any blame downwards. Which brings me nicely to the cabinet.
Chancellor of the Exchequer & Deputy Prime Minister
The Devil's Kitchen. Does not suffer fools gladly, and there will barely be a penny wasted. Expect a flat tax rate across the board, and a close eye on anyone wanting anything to do with the EU. Also, will provide much entertainment standing in at PM's Question Time during my many lengthy breaks in the sunshine. Expect some violence.
Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
Cliff Jones. He is basically a Johnny Foreigner anyway, sort of, and seems to have quite a following in the Buddhist community. Unlikely to make anyone want to go to war with us. Which is nice.
Secretary of State for the Home Department
The Home Secretary. A person who needs an iron fist, a cool head, and a decisive nature. Someone who rules their own home much as they could rule their home country. For that reason it can only be Tired Dad.
Secretary of State for Health
Dr Crippen. Isn't it about time a proper medical professional had a go? Smokers beware though, I will be limiting treatment of people who do not help themselves. This includes fat people and chavs.
Secretary of State for Culture
Mike Troubled Diva. Government subsidised gigs? I'd vote for that.
Lord Chancellor and Secretary of State for Justice
This is a difficult one, as I want to be tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime, tough on the criminals, tough on people who even think about crime, and especially tough on people that know people that do crime yet do nothing about it. I am going to break with convention and appoint a foreign national in the role. Twenty Major.
Secretary of State for Rural Affairs
Jonny Billericay. Who better to manage the affairs of the countryside than one of the countryside's very own adopted sons? From now on you will have to eat every animal you shoot.
Secretary of State for Defence
Anna Little Red Boat. An unusual choice, I am sure you will agree. But point her in the direction of a country whilst whispering the words, "Yes, I know they look peaceful, but they all eat apples in public, and do it pretty much constantly" and watch the devastation begin.
Minister without Portfolio
Salvadore Vincent. I will find him a job. Promise. Probably in education, as what this country needs is a better understanding of Venn diagrams.
That is it. Now you get to vote me in, right? Because a vote for me, is a vote for all those brilliant people up there (do you see what I've done there?)
I am assuming that the reason you did not include me in your cabinet, mofo is that you are holding me in reserve for Chancellor of the Exchequer once DK's kicked the bucket due to a smoking-related disease for which you wouldn't let Dr Crippen treat him?
Posted by: Katy Newton | Monday, 25 June 2007 at 17:37
Personally I would not like to join a club which would have... etc.
Bit upset to be palmed off with rural affairs however. How about Northern Ireland as a step up.
There is a dirty protest!!! etc.
Posted by: JonnyB | Monday, 25 June 2007 at 19:38
Katy - Yes yes, that is exactly it. I am glad you read between the lines.
JonnyB - With hindsight you make a good point. I would like to read the rest of that particular report...
Posted by: Mr Angry | Monday, 25 June 2007 at 20:58