Big Blogger 2007: Return of the Mack (or, err, Big Blogger)

Monday, 04 June 2007

Return of the Mack (or, err, Big Blogger)

Okay people, pipe down!

*nobody pipes down*

Please can everyone be quiet, Big Blogger has things to say!!

*no-one becomes quiet due to Big Blogger having things to say*

WOULD ALL YOU LAIRY BASTARDS SHUT YOUR F***ING CAKEHOLES AND LET ME GET A WORD IN EDGEWAYS!!!

*everyone freezes, then hastily turn off their iPod's, stop singing to themselves and a blissful hush falls upon the house*

Thankyou God. If I ever meet the twat that invented the iPod I'll show him exactly what I think of his invention in a not particularly nice way that will involve large metallic objects with sharp corners, an industrial-sized jack, some snooker balls, and his bottom.

But that's enough of my violent fantasies, let's get back to more important matters, ie. is Jack's dad actually alive? (one for the Lost fanatics wherever you are), and whether or not Dannii Minogue is a suitable replacement for the short and oh so sweet Lil' Louis Walsh? Anyone? Anyone?

No? Nothing?

Alright. You haven't gathered around that non-existent Matthew Williamson-designed coffee table with matching shaggy turquoise rug just to hear me waffle on about popular telly culture references, have you?

Of course you haven't. You want to know what feats I'm going to ask you to perform for me next, don't you?

Whoever said no (Tippler, that means you), get to the back of the class.

Okay, everyone shut it and listen carefully.

Here is your second task:

"Seeing as we all know who everyone is now, and we have a vague idea what everyone looks (and smells) like, and we know that Neil is evil because he likes Keane (I hope you were joking about that young man), and because we have what would appear to be enough alcohol stashed about the place to keep the entire population of eastern Europe pissed up for the next 6 months, Big Blogger would like all the housemates to come up with a brilliant housewarming party for all of the housemates.

I want to know about food, drink, music, entertainment, performing monkeys, naked cleaners... you name it, you shall have it!

This will require some serious thought, so I want detailed plans, schedules (if appropriate), and generally any bloody thing you can think of that would make the perfect party for this bunch of weirdos.

The deadline for this task is midnight on Thursday. You're all serious party animals (apparently) so this should pose no immediate difficulties for any of you."

Once everyone has completed the task a poll will go up in the sidebar where both the housemates and the viewing public can vote for their favourite party idea. The winning party will then take place almost immediately afterwards, possibly on Saturday night, and Big Blogger is definitely invited. It's his gaff after all.

Talking of polls, the first main vote will begin right after I post this, when the poll to see who the public want to be evicted come next Tuesday goes up at the top of the sidebar. It will sit there for a week, teasing and tantalising you, and because Big Blogger can't work out how the fuck to stop it showing everyone who votes exactly what the current result of the poll is without totally arseing up the html to the point where is just doesn't work anymore, you'll all have to deal with the slow and inevitable reality of your possible eviction in the best way you can.

I would probably blub like a big baby, but then it's not me who's going to be getting evicted, so I couldn't care less.

Yes, I'm heartless! But you have to be to get ahead in this business.

So make hay and be merry, while you still can...

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Posted by Timbo at 23:20 | Permalink

Comments

You pretend to be hard - but I know there's an inner child in you, all sweet and fuzzy trying to get out...

Posted by: penfold | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 23:25

oh, the voting!

thats my favourite bit.

(apart from what i just saw in the diary room)

Posted by: little bugger | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 23:34

"slow and inevitable" eh?
Ooh, I kinda like the sound of that BB.

Posted by: bedshaped | Monday, 04 June 2007 at 23:34

How can you make hay? It's already been invented you daft twat. I've seen it. Fields full of the bloody stuff.

Can I vote to evict Little Bugger? Seems far too intelligent to be hanging around these parts....

Posted by: SpanishGoth | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 03:50

Fields od hay? I think you'll find that is a pretty novel idea.
I make a pretty pendant so I do.

Posted by: Honey | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 06:48

.. who can't type.

*hangs head in assumed manner of shame

Posted by: Honey | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 06:49

I vote for Frank Siroco. He's looking for Jack´s dad.

Posted by: Alex | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 08:21

Oooooh, a party! I'll have to have a good think on that.

Posted by: Joseph | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 09:00

oy Goth-face... watch it! ;)

Posted by: little bugger | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 09:24

sex fucking machine sex fucking machine
Fucking Machine Mini Stallion Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Plow Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Pogo Stick Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Remote Controlled Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Rocker Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Saddle Fucking Machine
Fucking Machine Stallion Fucking Machin

Posted by: bride | Thursday, 25 October 2007 at 01:02

In my opinion you commit an error. I can defend the position.

P.S. Please review our icons for Windows 8

Posted by: jpegimageopt icons | Tuesday, 11 September 2012 at 12:36

The comments to this entry are closed.

Big Sidebar

Those Responsible

Timbo & Supply Blogger

Yes! I have an accomplice once again!

The Poll

Bollocks to the poll! It's finished!

The Concept

Welcome to the home of Big Blogger 2007. For the next eight weeks or so we will be watching (well, reading) the housemates as they complete their tasks, eake out a meagre existence, and do everything in their power to convince you, the blogging public, that they should be the ones to win the title of Big Blogger 2007. Who will win? You decide...
(I could swear I've heard that before somewhere.)

Click on this link if you require any further clarification. And in case anyone is still utterly confused, here are The Rules.

The Housemates

Check out all the ~~freaky weirdos~~ beautiful specimens we've caged up just for you - and all in the name of entertainment too!

And the newbies too:

The House

It's missing a library, a nail salon and a coffee bar, but other than that it's a design masterpiece. You lucky people!

The Diary Room

Little Blogger AKA Minxy is ~~always about~~ nowhere to be seen, and therefore she won't do you a fantastic line in body stockings. Medium-sized Blogger IS there however and he has the world record for making rollies. So GO! NOW!! Do it, before it's too late!

A Concise History

Click the links to go straight to each task and/or each particular housemate's downright ludicrous response:

Task 1: The Task, Clare (1)/(2), Joseph, Bob, Spanish Goth, Enidd, Cat, Invader Stu, Penfold, Tippler, Katy, bedshaped, Mr Angry, Ariel, Angelalala, Neil.

Task 2: The Task, Spanish Goth, Cat, Joseph, Enidd, Bob, Tippler, Invader Stu, Ariel, Penfold, Mr Angry, Katy, Neil, Angelalala, bedshaped, Clare.

Task 3: The Task, Penfold, Cat, Bob, Angelalala, Tippler (1)/(2), Spanish Goth, Invader Stu, Joseph, bedshaped, Mr Angry, Neil, Clare.

Task 4: The Task, Cat, Spanish Goth, Clare, Tippler (1)/(2), Invader Stu, Mr Angry, Joseph, Penfold, bedshaped, Bob, Neil, Angelalala.

Task 5: The Task, Clare, Spanish Goth, Cat, Joseph, Penfold, Angelalala, Tippler (1)/(2), Bob, Mr Angry, bedshaped, Ordinary Girl, Non-working monkey.

Task 6: The Task, Spanish Goth (1)/(2), Bob, Joseph, Non-working monkey (1)/(2), Penfold, Cat, Tippler, Ordinary Girl, bedshaped, Angelalala, Mr Angry, Clare.

Task 7: The Task, Angelalala, Clare, Cat, Joseph, Penfold, Bob, Spanish Goth, Tippler, bedshaped, Ordinary Girl, Mr Angry.

Task 8: The Task, Tippler, Cat, Bob, Clare (1)/(2), Penfold, bedshaped, Big Blogger, Mr Angry, Joseph, Angelalala.

Task 9: The Task, Penfold, Bob, Cat, Big Blogger, bedshaped, Tippler, Angelalala, Joseph, Clare.

Task 10: The Task, bedshaped (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Clare (1a / b) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Tippler (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5), Cat (1) / (2) / (3) / (4), Bob (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6), Penfold (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Joseph (1) / (2), Angelalala

Task 11: The Task, Clare, Cat, Tippler, Penfold, Angelalala, bedshaped, Bob.

Task 12: The Task, Tippler, Cat, Penfold (1)/(2), Clare, Angelalala, Bob, bedshaped.

Task 13: The Task, Bob, Tippler, Cat, Angelalala.

Task 14: The Final Task, Tippler (1)/(2)/(3), Cat (1)/(2)/(3), Bob (1)/(2)/(3).

A Not Very Concise At All History

And feel free to browse the daily archives. No, honestly, be my guest. Some poor bastard has to.

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Our Links

Huge thanks go to Lucy Pepper for her wonderful illustrations.

Plus, even though he's not blogging anymore, let's remember Watski for coming up with this godawful idea in the first place.

AND, if you've got 300 years spare time on your hands you could use it to re-read the whole of the original 2005 Big Blogger event. Go on, I dare you.

The only other place we should really link to is the official BIG BROTHER website. After all, they're the ones who bought the rights to the concept in the first place; we're just adjusting it for our own purposes. I'm sure they'll understand.

So if you want intellectual stimulation and laughs-a-plenty, stay right where you are. However, if you want boredom, drudgery and maybe some tits and arse, go there instead.

I know where I'm going. Okay, see you later...

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Copyright © Tim Stannard, or © the Author as stated, 2007