I’ve been wracking my addled brain for the past couple of days on this task. Not so much about what selfless or selfish deeds I’ve done, because I suppose there are more than a few, but which of those could be classified as the top of each list.
I asked Larry for help yesterday morning. “What’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever done?”
“Like I’ve got time to answer that,” he said. “I’ve got a plane to catch.”
I reminded him that his plane didn’t leave for a good 36 hours, to which he replied, “Exactly.”
Such is love … or at least a long-term relationship. Actually, it’s probably out of love that he didn’t spout off a litany of my sins. And it’s probably very selfish of me to expect that he’ll be bringing me back an anniversary present … 15 years in two weeks … and that’s a testament to the selfishness and selflessness of both of us.
I looked to the BB housemates for inspiration … and frankly, they’re all more eloquent than anything that I can come up with. I too have had affairs. I’ve struggled with choosing romance over stability. I've pissed away money and time on people I truly cared about. I haven’t had children (which I suppose could indeed be seen as a selfless act … we can barely take care of our cats), but I am a darn good uncle if I may be so selfish as to boast.
The most selfish thing I can think of (and perhaps it’s a bit melodramatic … but I’ve had a few beers and there’s a deadline fast approaching) has been living well during the last 17 years. On St. Patrick’s Day in 1990 a very compassionate clinician reminded me that life’s short and one’s health is something not to be taken for granted. I was 27. Nobody, especially me, expected to see my 30th birthday. I ran up big debts, both personally and financially. May as well go out with a splash. Much to all our surprise, here I am. Perhaps not as successful as my peers, but healthy and happy and living in London and probably being the luckiest person I know.
As for being selfless, I don’t know. I have a cynical inner critic far too vocal to justify anything I’ve done as not being somehow related to my own well-being. That said, I do feel like I’ve gone out of my way the past couple months trying to make this teaching thing work. The pay is peanuts and the work is daunting compared to what I did in the corporate world, but I truly am happier than I’ve been in long, long while. And if I’m doing things to make me happy, isn’t that more selfish than selfless?
My first student ended his month of one-to-one lessons today. Before he signed for his Certificate of Accomplishment today, he said (with measured to the point of seeming rehearsed cadence), “I have something to tell you before we go on. You started with me a month ago, and I am very grateful for your help. Not only have you been an excellent teacher, but you have been a good friend, and I thank you for that.”
I never heard anything like that after a brand meeting.
Anyway, if I were really selfless, would I be writing about it on a website? 'Cause, really, isn’t that just being selfish?
Teaching is not something I could do - wouldn't last a day before I ripped some cocky kids heart out.
Congrats for giving it a go
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Saturday, 16 June 2007 at 15:23
Funnily enough I was just thinking this morning about how rewarding it might be to be a teacher, but how I could never do it cos I'm too selfish.
Posted by: Clare | Monday, 18 June 2007 at 12:59