Phew!
[Clare bursts out of the cupboard under the sink]
Sorry about that, got a bit carried away singing to myself. Really badly. Out of tune. I apologise in advance....
So, anyway. Down below you will find a recording of me singing this little song wot I rote about Squash, to the tune of Jet (aka Suffragette) by Paul McCartney and Wings. I don't really have any excuses that won't make it look worse than it already does, so without further ado...
SQUASH
Squash!
Squash!
Squash!
I can almost remember the way to play this
Like when you told me
That winning was if you got bruised.
And squash...
I thought the only
Place to play
Was on the moon
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Squash!
Well the father says that we can
go and play there
But how come he tells me that
we are not old enough yet?
And squash...
I thought the players
Had to make you
Suffer in squash!
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
I'll play ya,
Want squash to always bruise me
I'll play ya,
Want squash to always bruise me
I'll play ya,
Much later...
Squash!
With the noise in your ears
of a thousand squash balls
The ball from your racquet
Should go for a ride in the sky.
And squash...
I thought the players
Had to make you
Suffer in squash!
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
And squash...
d'ya know I thought you
Were gonna make me
Suffer in squash!
Squash!
Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Were gonna make me
Were gonna make me scream, yeah
Ooh!
Clare singing SquashJet (really badly)
So, to summarise: Squash is a game, which you win by getting bruised. You can play it on the moon, or at the local vicarage (but only if you're old enough). The balls are very noisy. You have to hit the ball high into the sky. It gives you bruises. And it makes you suffer. But I'll still play it with ya. Later. Much later.
Oh, supergreathugebuggerations.
I've got a Wings earworm now.
Luckily, my lovely, I like you so much that I'm able to forgive you.
Phew. Woo-oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo, Oooh oo-oo
Posted by: Angelalala | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 00:53
Brava!
I have no idea what the game is (I don't think we have Squash over here, unless you're throwing around the vegetable. I'll look it up on wikipedia) but you make it sound fun.
Posted by: SusannahS | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 04:45
Your mp3 was a brilliant start to my day. Thanks, Clare.
Posted by: bob | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 08:04
It's worming around in your ears? Just think what it's doing to mine, after singing it several times in a row and practising the timing of the final "Ooh!" so you can't even hear Mr McCartney's version behind me, not to mention strategic placement of microphones being my only way of controlling sound levels, while the track played over and over in the background...
Suffer in Squash! Woo-oo-oo... argh.
;o) Glad you like it though. Personally I think the bad singing adds to the total effect, and obviously I planned it that way and am secretly the next aretha F in disguise...
Posted by: Clare | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 09:36
Brilliant, just brilliant...
You should send it to Sir Paul, I think he probably needs cheering up.
Posted by: Mr Angry | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 10:32
That is disturbingly catchy. Great. I'll be singing that all day now!!!
Posted by: Gordon | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 11:09
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
That is the funniest thing I've heard in quite a while! And possibly the longest. But funny. Funny.
Posted by: Delboys Daughter | Tuesday, 12 June 2007 at 18:23
Jesus Christ in a pose. Well done young lady.
*Hugs*
Posted by: SpanishGoth | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 03:31
*Hugs* back to SG. Definitely not enough hugging going on in this house.
*GROUP HUG*
Posted by: Clare | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 11:57
Thank you for doing that.
Posted by: joeinvegas | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 16:12
*doesn't do hugging*
but fuck me - that was just too funny.
clare, you're a star x
Posted by: little bugger | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 17:37
brilliant, well worth the immunisation.
LOVED the singing. about to enter a concert competition with something very similar here in brusels, wish we could use you for vocals, what fun.
Posted by: Honey | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 19:29
Clare. Brilliant, brave, and pure genius.
Bloody well done.
(Got everyone here saying... "What the hell are you listening to")
Posted by: bromman | Wednesday, 13 June 2007 at 23:00
I am quite simply not worthy.
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