Such a Little Thing (Makes Such a Big Difference)

It's Good Cat/Bad Cat time.

I am, by nature, a very selfish person, so it was tough pinning this one down. My mind kept wandering to that episode of Friends where Joey and Phoebe debate whether an unselfish good deed exists. Does it? Or does everyone get some pleasure out of doing good for others?

Anyway. Enough of that. Shall we get the bad out of the way first?

Some years ago, a good friend of mine, we'll call her Jane, got married. It was to be a big old affair. Meringue frock. Six bridesmaids. Cute small child carrying a posie. Church. Men in kilts. Country house reception. Pink carriage pulled by white horses. Hang on, that was Jordan and Peter Andre, I'm getting confused. But you get the picture. Jane was obsessed with the wedding, and as she was my first friend to marry, I very much got into the spirit of it. I helped her shop for a dress, I listened to tales of seating plans, I debated aqua versus turquoise for weeks on end. I was quite excited about it all, if truth be told.

The big day loomed closer. And wouldn't you know it? I got dumped, the weekend before, by a very bad man. Cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I was not only sad, but developed a sudden aversion to all things romantic. I couldn't cope with going to Jane's wedding alone, and decided I wouldn't go at all. I fabricated a dead relative out of the ether, and a weekend funeral, then spent the happy day hiding.

It goes without saying that Jane found out. She couldn't understand why I hadn't wanted to share her special day, and was very, very angry with me. I didn't think we'd ever talk again. And for a long time we didn’t.

Thankfully, the story has something of a happy ending for me, as several years down the line, we're good friends again. Not so happy for Jane, who's in the process of getting divorced. But that's a story for another day.

Moving on. An unselfish act was a tricky one for me, but here goes...

While I was in my third year at university, I fell in love with a boy. We'll call him John. And John fell in love with me right back. We bonded over being mutually mugged on our way home from a bad party, and quickly became inseparable. With John, I was funnier, cleverer, sparkier and prettier than with anyone else. As a couple, we rocked. He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend.

Of course, after many months of blissfulness, there was a snag. John was in his fourth year (Scottish degrees are four years long) and wanted to do a postgraduate qualification. The only funded place he could get was hundreds of miles away. He asked me to call it - would he get a job for a year, and wait while I finished my course? Or would he take up his place and we could continue long-distance? Selflessly, I told him it had to be his choice. And that long-distance would be fine. Naturally, I expected him to choose me. He didn't. And my heart broke into a million pieces. Long-distance was shit. Neither of us had much cash for train fares, and we both had weekend jobs. The fact I'm completely neurotic helped little. Nor the fact I punished him for his bad choice by cheating on him. After a year of rubbish public transport, we broke up.

And to this day, I still wonder what might have been.

Such a Little Thing (Makes Such a Big Difference) - Morrissey

Comments

[SusannahS]

It is awfully hard to enjoy a wedding when you're heartbroken. I skipped a friend's wedding too once (at least you made up a story--I just didn't go) and still feel guilty.
On the other hand, I had a bona fide excuse not to travel to an out-of-state wedding a while back, and everyone thought it was because I was still in luv with the groom. That really sucked.
When/if I get married, I think I'll elope. Save a lot of time, money and stress for all parties involved. :)

[SpanishGoth]

I don't blame you for missing the wedding, I wouldn't have gone either. Don't know if I'd have made up the dead relative thing but I wasn't there so....

As for the sacrifice - maybe that one just wasn't meant to be Cat my dear

*Gothic hugs*

[honey]

sometimes it's best to be left with these wonderful memories and with 'what might have beens' so romantic, something to savour when you are old and grey.
I have a couple and they are soooo sweet.

[Angelalala]

I woudn't have gone to the wedding either.

Probably would have invented a sudden, terrible but temporary illness as opposed to a dead relly but then I have hindsight.

The other one? He didn't deserve ya, babe!

[Drama Queen]

Like Goth said maybe it wasn't meant to be. I managed the long distance thing for a couple of years and now we live together.

Just means you're freed up for your dream man. One that you can show off at the next wedding.

[Clare]

Yeah, not going to the wedding was fair enough. And such a shame about the romance!

I know what you mean about selfless is never really selfless, except of course that some people spend their whole lives running around after everyone else and putting everyone else's needs before their own and it doesn't necessarily make them happy - often just means they have low self esteem.

Not me though! I'm rubbish at putting other people first. Speaking of which...

[Cat]

Susannah, if I ever marry, I'm for Vegas!

Spanish Goth and Angie, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and the relative in question was aready dead, so it wasn't like tempting fate or anything.

Honey, he's probably fat and bald now...

Drama Queen, I'm glad you got your happy ever after.

Clare, it IS a shame, isn't it? My one selfless act, and I regret it!

[Tippler]

I think I'd have gone to the wedding, Cat.

Why? Well, there'd have been a good chance of you hooking up with some bloke at the party afterwards.

Nowt like a few drunken snogs to put some rotten bastard out of your mind.

So, you could have been selfish and selfless at the same time. Neat, huh? But I get where you're coming from.

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