This is an alarm call

Everyone's still in bed eh?

Up and at 'em you lazy so-and-so's; Big Blo's about and he demands your full attention.

Yes I know it's rubbish. Yes Bob, I know you need your beauty sleep. Yes Goth, I am aware that you've run out of eyeshadow and mascara. And yes everyone, I am dealing with the faulty jet in the jacuzzi.

EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL

Now shut up and pay attention:

"Your sixth task is to challenge Gordon Brown for PM. Topical eh? Seeing as he's basically shit and boring and has the charisma of a used napkin this shouldn't be too hard.

Come up with a manifesto (of sorts), some policies that are going to get the public excited and an image that will wow the voters. The deadline for this task is Monday Lunchtime.

UPDATE - As I've said to Clare in the comments, I'm not expecting the earth with this task. Obviously, producing a whole frigging manifesto is utterly ludicrous, so please don't take my requests too seriously. This means you can be silly if you want. You have my permission."

I await your submissions with some trepidation!

And Big Blogger has noticed that despite making it abundantly clear that the entries for the last task needed to be in by lunchtime today (and I know some people's lunchtimes may vary, but my lunchtime is 12 noon, so deal with it people) he is still missing one entry.

So Invader Stu, unless I receive a letter from your Mum stating that you've been in hospital getting your mumps vaccination or some other perfectly valid excuse, then I'm afraid the end is nigh for you.

See? I can be tough if I want to be.

*flexes biceps dramatically*

ROAR.

BB

Comments

[Ariel]

It wasn't Sweden but Switzerland. Big Blo' needs a new atlas...

[Clare]

Oh 'eck.

I don't like this task.

Hmm.

[Big Blogger]

Clare - I'm not expecting the earth. Which means you can be silly if you want. You have my permission.

[bedshaped]

Can I just say that this task is about as welcome and appealing to me as being repeatedly kicked in the bollocks from a guy who's the same age as my nan, wearing nothing but a pink, frilly tu-tu and steel toe-capped boots with broken glass embedded into the heels, whilst screaming "Say my name, bitch!"
And no, contrary to popular opinion, that's not my kinda thing.

[Big Blogger]

bedshaped - Read the update dude.

Ps. Next week's task is a doozy, so just do it already and stop whinging.

[Cat]

Ditto on not liking this task. My knowledge of politics is about as good as my knowledge of Keane lyrics. And yes, I am ashamed to admit that.

[Big Blogger]

RIGHT. OKAY. HARUMPH.

Big Blogger knows toss all about politics either, apart from knowing that Tony Bleeuurrghh and Gordo the Magnificent are a right pair of old twonks.

So *ahem* I'm not expecting you to actually challenge the bloke. What are you? Nuts? It's a game man, a fun silly game. At any stage did I not make this clear? (don't answer that question).

And nobody has to worry about going on Question Time either.

[Daddy Papersurfer]

I must say BB there really are some plonkers in da house.Sample manifesto
1.People only to work at weekends [except bank holidays which will be increased to 30 a year]
2.Free make-up for girlies and trannies [and inbetweenies]
3.Ban all cyclists[controversial I know but they get on my nerves]
4. All women to be treated as Goddesses
5. Put all whingers on a ferry and hope they fall off
etc etc etc
Get a grip everyone - I know it's tough in there - but really!!!

[Big Blogger]

That's what I'm talking about. Three cheers for Daddy Papersurfer!

[ordinary girl]

OG yawns, stretches, cracks open one eye, sits up, listens, groans and lies back down.

[Big Blogger]

Big Blogger cracks open a bottle of Shiraz Cabernet.
I really do.

[nonworkingmonkey]

So in summary, the only people reading Big Blogger are the people writing it, and their parents? Come on, you can tell me!

[Big Blogger]

It would seem that the only people commenting are the people in it and their parents. Not sure about what you said NWM. How long is a piece of string?

[bedshaped]

Well, if it's average, it's about 6 inches....give or take.

[Big Blogger]

That's a bit pessimistic.

I have an idea. I'll save it though.

[SpanishGoth]

I think you wrote pessimistic when you actually meant OPTOMISTIC

[penfold]

I think three cheers for Daddy Papersurfer is a bit excessive. Maybe half a nod and a limp handshake...

[Daddy Papersurfer]

There is no proof that I am the biological father - I just felt sorry for the little blighter. And I am getting concerned about the limp handshake.

[Clare]

Oh, I can be silly!

Phew.

[ordinary girl]

I think I'll adopt Daddy Papersurfers manifesto!
Isn't that what politics is about anyway, just steal someone else's ideas and then call them your own while criticising the people who already thought of it?
Or is that just my optomistic thinking!

[Mark Wadsworth]

Leave the EU; sack a million civil servants; prosecution allowed to mention previous convictions at trials; lock up violent criminals for life; automatic deportation of foreign criminals and mad mullahs; give everybody a Citizen's Income (and education/healthcare vouchers); phase out VAT; have flat (and preferably low) income/corporation tax; have Land Value Tax instead of existing property-related taxes; legalise fox-hunting, prostitution and (most if not all) drugs; test immigrants for TB and HIV; have Australian-style immigration rules; no ID cards; turn off (most) traffic lights; have yellow boxes Zebra crossings; reduce speed limit to 20 mph in residential areas; increase speed limit to 90 mph on motorways; start using coal again to generate electricity; have more waste incinerators and methane capture; spend at least half of £8 bn tobacco duty on cancer research; no free state translation services; social housing allotted on basis of waiting lists not "need"; pre-nup contracts treated as binding with statutory default of 50/50 assets split and no maintenance payable to ex-spouse (apart from Child maintenance); Bank Holidays scrapped with assumption that employees get an extra five days' holiday per year; troops out of Iraq & Afghanistan.