Big Blogger 2007: Whip out your cozzies!

Sunday, 10 June 2007

Whip out your cozzies!

It's official!

Bob's brilliant Celebrity Servant pole-dancing party idea has emerged as the victor in the public vote!

And with a stonking 23% of the vote - a full 12% ahead of his nearest rival (Cat's Indie disco), it is some victory indeed.

So tonight there will be (if anyone wants to attend, cos it's gonna happen anyway...) a small table setup in the corner by the larder, where you will be able to get your ball-gags and also put your name down on the list for the pole-dancer cum masseuse of your choice. The choice is limited to the Latvian twins, Helga and Sven, and then Big and Little Blogger, and if you're too late then you may end up with Geoff or even (God forbid) Stalin, so you need to hurry. Unless you're Katy, in whose case this won't matter because you'll be watching avidly from the sidelines, taking MANY NOTES with which to bribe the other housemates at a later date.

I've managed to get all the Z-list slebs Bob stipulated, apart from Jade Goody, who is apparently under house arrest for being a complete knob. You win some...

Big Blogger now has to nip down Threshers in the BB transit van so that you lot have got something to chuck down your throats tonight.

If anyone feels like getting started on the decorations (black, red, chrome, flashy neon gubbins..) then be my guest. I've left some powder paints and tissue paper on the veranda along with some sellotape and sparkly nick-nacks. That should keep you going for a while.

I've already erected the lead pipes (and have had to stop Mr Angry and Penfold getting frisky on them - the cheeky beggars) and have, as a goodwill gesture of sorts, filled the jacuzzi with vodka. So if you were wondering where that curious tingling sensation was coming from, there's your answer. Let's hope no-one did a widdle in it!

Right, where's the car keys?

Back in a bit...

Ps. Here's a little something to get the juices flowing:

Ballgag

Posted by Timbo at 14:42 | Permalink

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The Poll

Bollocks to the poll! It's finished!

The Concept

Welcome to the home of Big Blogger 2007. For the next eight weeks or so we will be watching (well, reading) the housemates as they complete their tasks, eake out a meagre existence, and do everything in their power to convince you, the blogging public, that they should be the ones to win the title of Big Blogger 2007. Who will win? You decide...
(I could swear I've heard that before somewhere.)

Click on this link if you require any further clarification. And in case anyone is still utterly confused, here are The Rules.

The Housemates

Check out all the ~~freaky weirdos~~ beautiful specimens we've caged up just for you - and all in the name of entertainment too!

And the newbies too:

The House

It's missing a library, a nail salon and a coffee bar, but other than that it's a design masterpiece. You lucky people!

The Diary Room

Little Blogger AKA Minxy is ~~always about~~ nowhere to be seen, and therefore she won't do you a fantastic line in body stockings. Medium-sized Blogger IS there however and he has the world record for making rollies. So GO! NOW!! Do it, before it's too late!

A Concise History

Click the links to go straight to each task and/or each particular housemate's downright ludicrous response:

Task 1: The Task, Clare (1)/(2), Joseph, Bob, Spanish Goth, Enidd, Cat, Invader Stu, Penfold, Tippler, Katy, bedshaped, Mr Angry, Ariel, Angelalala, Neil.

Task 2: The Task, Spanish Goth, Cat, Joseph, Enidd, Bob, Tippler, Invader Stu, Ariel, Penfold, Mr Angry, Katy, Neil, Angelalala, bedshaped, Clare.

Task 3: The Task, Penfold, Cat, Bob, Angelalala, Tippler (1)/(2), Spanish Goth, Invader Stu, Joseph, bedshaped, Mr Angry, Neil, Clare.

Task 4: The Task, Cat, Spanish Goth, Clare, Tippler (1)/(2), Invader Stu, Mr Angry, Joseph, Penfold, bedshaped, Bob, Neil, Angelalala.

Task 5: The Task, Clare, Spanish Goth, Cat, Joseph, Penfold, Angelalala, Tippler (1)/(2), Bob, Mr Angry, bedshaped, Ordinary Girl, Non-working monkey.

Task 6: The Task, Spanish Goth (1)/(2), Bob, Joseph, Non-working monkey (1)/(2), Penfold, Cat, Tippler, Ordinary Girl, bedshaped, Angelalala, Mr Angry, Clare.

Task 7: The Task, Angelalala, Clare, Cat, Joseph, Penfold, Bob, Spanish Goth, Tippler, bedshaped, Ordinary Girl, Mr Angry.

Task 8: The Task, Tippler, Cat, Bob, Clare (1)/(2), Penfold, bedshaped, Big Blogger, Mr Angry, Joseph, Angelalala.

Task 9: The Task, Penfold, Bob, Cat, Big Blogger, bedshaped, Tippler, Angelalala, Joseph, Clare.

Task 10: The Task, bedshaped (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Clare (1a / b) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Tippler (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5), Cat (1) / (2) / (3) / (4), Bob (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6), Penfold (1) / (2) / (3) / (4) / (5) / (6) / (7), Joseph (1) / (2), Angelalala

Task 11: The Task, Clare, Cat, Tippler, Penfold, Angelalala, bedshaped, Bob.

Task 12: The Task, Tippler, Cat, Penfold (1)/(2), Clare, Angelalala, Bob, bedshaped.

Task 13: The Task, Bob, Tippler, Cat, Angelalala.

Task 14: The Final Task, Tippler (1)/(2)/(3), Cat (1)/(2)/(3), Bob (1)/(2)/(3).

A Not Very Concise At All History

And feel free to browse the daily archives. No, honestly, be my guest. Some poor bastard has to.

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Our Links

Huge thanks go to Lucy Pepper for her wonderful illustrations.

Plus, even though he's not blogging anymore, let's remember Watski for coming up with this godawful idea in the first place.

AND, if you've got 300 years spare time on your hands you could use it to re-read the whole of the original 2005 Big Blogger event. Go on, I dare you.

The only other place we should really link to is the official BIG BROTHER website. After all, they're the ones who bought the rights to the concept in the first place; we're just adjusting it for our own purposes. I'm sure they'll understand.

So if you want intellectual stimulation and laughs-a-plenty, stay right where you are. However, if you want boredom, drudgery and maybe some tits and arse, go there instead.

I know where I'm going. Okay, see you later...

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The idea may not be original but everything else on here is of our own making and 100% original. So don't go borrowing unless A) you link back to us, or B) you ask us really really nicely beforehand.

Copyright © Tim Stannard, or © the Author as stated, 2007

Big Blogger 2007

Sunday, 10 June 2007

Whip out your cozzies!

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