Despite learning to hit people as a hobby, I'm a girly girl and as such I don't allow my lovers to witness unpleasant bodily functions. One particular ex-boyfriend was fascinated by this and would do anything, including eavesdropping at the bathroom door, to try and catch me out. I forgave him this strange habit 'cos he adored me, plus he was an instant stiffy machine and could stay for days.
One night we'd both had a fair bit to drink but it wasn't affecting him at all, he was on full power and aiming for a new record. Me? I was a bit knackered to be honest and after a couple of hours of being flung around, my eyes were closing more due to exhaustion than ecstasy. He seemed to take my slowing down as some sort of subservience game and got very excited as he positioned me somewhat awkwardly so that he could hold my hands and ankles as his tongue went south (though it may have been north-west, I think I was nearly upside down at that point.)
Skilled as he was and uncomfortable as I was, tiredness and alcohol still meant that I drifted off a couple of times, managing to keep this from him by disguising my 'shake-to-wake' as an 'ooh, you're so damn good!' motion. Unfortunately I couldn't keep this up and the next time I woke it was because he was shaking me, looking completely triumphant...
'I fucking knew it! You do fart! I just heard you!
I felt myself blushing and just hoped he'd had his fill and been lying next to me but before my groggy brain could grope for the words to form the question it was answered...
'I even felt it, right *pointing to chin* here!'
That's quality, that is. Reminds me of the 'botty sex and corn-on-the-nob incident'...
http://upfront-live.com/tippler/index.php?s=Corn
Posted by: Tippler | Monday, 23 July 2007 at 08:55
Please Tippler. Are you not over that already? That story made me gag. . .
Posted by: DQ | Monday, 23 July 2007 at 15:32
Oh god, I just read it! Ick!
Posted by: Angelalala | Monday, 23 July 2007 at 16:33