Fuck me

This has certainly been a week to remember in the Big Blogger house.

First we have the eviction that never was, then we have the Tipplergate saga, then the best task so far (at which frankly every entry gave me a double hernia, and not through laughing I might add; they just did) and now we have a new eviction nightmare scenario unfolding. Hang with me on this.

I've tried to do a word count on all the place names in this last task, and these are the results I managed to calculate before I got bored:

Clare - 43
Cat - 90
Tippler - 40,000
Penfold - 374
bedshaped - 2 (a mighty effort)

I didn't bother with the others, because after Tippler's epic wartime musical (or whatever the fuck it was) was there really any point? I mean, he managed to use Rectum as a place name. This is worthy of a knighthood on it's own.

All of which means that despite the mega-wobbly that was thrown a couple of days ago, the fella has pulled out all the stops and gained himself immunity from eviction this week!

I think we should all take a moment to applaud his efforts.

Nice. Very nice.

Which brings me to the next revelation.
Anyone know where Joseph is? No? Me neither.
As categorically stated in the post for this week's task the deadline was 9pm this evening. 9pm has come and gone and so far we have nowt from young Mr Joseph. I'm a nice man, so will give the bloke until midnight to post his thang, but if that doesn't happen and/or I don't get a sicknote from his GP by the morning, then Joseph will be packing his bags and leaving on the next train to Bognor because, as I've become really sodding used to saying this week, THEM'S THE RULES.

While I await possibly nothing happening in regards to this I'd like you all to take a gander at the week's second task. Please put in your best efforts (unless you're Tippler who doesn't have to worry anymore - but do it anyway!) as the public and their pets are still voting in their droves (or small gaggles) so there's still time to save your skin!

"Your second task this week is to look deep into your hearts and then lower the tone somewhat. Big Blogger would like all the housemates to share with the big wide world their most embarrasing sexual experience in all it's gory detail.

Whether this was a good, pleasant or frankly terrifying experience, feel free to let it all out. Okay, maybe not all of it, but quite a lot.
And I don't think photographic evidence will be required.

So come on people, let's feel the love.

The deadline for this task will be 9pm next Monday evening."

I'm bad, I know. But if you do this task and nobody argues with me then I'll design an 'I'm In Big Blogger's Fanclub' badge and give you all one. A badge that is.

Don't go getting the wrong idea or anything. I do not put out on the first date. Not unless I'm on bourbon.

BB

Comments

[Clare]

Hmmm.

[puts thinking cap on]

Oh, and...

If Joseph gets evicted and Tippler has immunity, does that mean that the three people with the most votes apart from Tippler will still get evicted on Monday? Or will it be only two?

[Big Blogger]

Three will go this week.
No more, no less.
That's all I'm saying.

[Cat]

I'd like a badge, please. All the talk of Gnasher badges earlier in the week's made me feel in a badge-like mood.

[penfold]

Dylan (my 7 year old progeny) joined the Dennis the Menace club recently. No hairy, boggly eyed gnasher badge included. I nearly asked for my money back but then I remembered - he didn't join for my benefit...

[Tippler]

OK, immunity, at last. Murky bucket. And if there are still any golden fucking keyboards lying around, I DON'T WANT ONE!

Haven't got room - all these empty bottles...

Just as well I got immunity, really. As I was looking a tad jiggered in the vote.

And what DID happen to Joseph - looked a sure fire last-three if ever I saw one?

[Clare]

I'm sure he's a lovely guy and all that, but the way the voting's looking at the moment I'm rather relieved...

[Clare]

I shouldn't have said that, should I? Famous last words.

[Clare]

P.S. The title of this post... it's not a task, is it?

[Tippler]

That might just cover it though. Shagging Big Blogger in front of all those cameras, I mean it's GOT to be embarrassing...

What d'you reckong Clare?

[Big Blogger]

Well, I have had no contact from Joseph, so I can categorically say that he is OUTTA HERE...

And he seemed like a cert for the final too, as Tippler pointed out.

Ah well.

[Big Blogger]

No, it's not a task. Not yet anyway.

[Tippler]

Just to clarify - as you know I'm a stickler for detail BB. Cos I don't want to be caught whingeing again. Not that I ever whinge...

Anyway, from your 'Eviction cancelled' post:

"There are two weeks left. This week there will be two tasks and three people will be evicted next Monday. Next week is the final week, and there will be two tasks again, a midweek double eviction, and a three-person final...

The blogger who manages to fit the most place names into their post will win immunity from this week's eviction and will therefore be in the final! Woo!"

So, I can't be evicted until the very end, right? "Three person final...in the final".

Just making sure. However, I humbly promise to stay in the spirit of the whole thing and complete each task.

Even though I'm knackered after the last one...

[Big Blogger]

Mr Tippler - Good question. And yes, I did accidentally miss out the word 'week'. (I really have to get me a secretary..) You are immune from this week's eviction, but not next week's. The final is all week, but the final final final (final final) is from Thursday onwards after...

...the mid-week eviction on Thursday evening at 9pm where any of the five finalists can be evicted. Two will go, which will leave a final three. There will then be a final task, and a final poll to decide the winner.

That is all.

[Tippler]

*deep sigh*

I knew it.

So you're saying it that should have read:

"...will be in the final week! Woo!"

Hmm. Not quite the same reason for that emphatic "Woo!" was there, really...

*sneaks out to pub to drown sorrows*

[Big Blogger]

I get the impression you really want to win this...

Personally, I think getting to the final week is a fair old achievement and not to be sniffed at.

But I may have to join you down the pub. Just because.

[Tippler]

I am well chuffed. Don't get me wrong. Just need a couple of sniffters to sort out, in order, my most embarrassing sexual experiences.

That should take longer than writing about the bloody thing.

And of course I want to win. Just hoped I had slightly more time to gird the old loins than I obviously have.

For the last push, as opposed to the sexual experience, y' understand...

[Delboys Daughter]

oooo now this is a good task!

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[jane]

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