This is what I wrote in my diary 22 years ago today, on Monday 15th July 1985:
"Forgot to mention, but me and Chris had a great long discussion in the bathroom on Sat night and we told each other how good friends we were and he had, literally, a good cry on my shoulder and told me how he really does hate Stephen and doesn't know how to cope with it, and how his mum's boyfriend is getting out of prison on July 31st and how he beats Chris's mum up and home won't be home any more.
Back to school for a week of sixth form*.
Started off to school today with Bev, who called for me, both v. nervous about what we were wearing (no school uniform, y'see) and when we arrived Melanie Robinson made bitchy remarks, but then during lesson found out Gillian Sollitt and PAUL BARKER !!! seem to be curbing animosity towards me, and Upper Sixth were all v. friendly, and met a nice new girl called Rebecca and half met one called Tanya!
We were all gossiping about the party and everyone knows about me and Dan but no-one's bothering about it much, thank God. But then found out the reason everyone showed interest in me and Dan on Sat was that Philip walked in on us when all we were doing was snogging and then went and told everyone that he'd walked in and I'd thrown my knickers at him, thus everyone rushed to see the action.
That annoyed me, so after school went for walk to coincide with him on his way home and saw him from a distance and then he disappeared and something just snapped and I sat down on the grass and cried.
Then got up and went home and started to think it all over and thought about how humiliating what he'd said about me and Dan was and how during a discussion on Sat night I'd asked him if he fancied me and he emphatically said No and I'm sure he was telling the truth and it suddenly dawned on me he was simply leading me on and enjoying me fancying him and only kissed me cos he enjoyed the power over me and that's why he looked so smug and self-satisfied afterwards and it suddenly became imperative that I find out whether he really did say to John earlier on this year all that claptrap about I was always asking him out and I rang John and he said, totally sincere I'm sure, that Philip really did say it and I just broke into tears over the phone and John was most distressed and told me Philip wasn't worth it to which I agreed vehemently and then said Bye and cried for an hour and thought what a fool I've been, and suddenly realised, too late I'm afraid, that I'm in love with him and I know it sounds dramatic but his treatment of me has really broken my heart and decided to avoid him til he goes away and then I won't see him for three weeks and maybe I'll get over it, so got Dad to take me to Philip's to retrieve record player cos I knew he wouldn't be in, and couldn't resist it so went to his room, and left a note telling him he was a bastard and came home and was in a mood all the time.**"
(Previous entries:
Wednesday 10th July, 1985
Thursday 11th July, 1985
Friday 12th July, 1985
Saturday 13th July, 1985
Sunday 14th July, 1985)
[* I'd just finished my O levels and they did this taster week in preparation for starting sixth form after the summer holidays]
[** I think Young Clare deserves a prize for that paragraph, which is surely the longest sentence in Big Blogger so far?]
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