It's the 2nd Annual Swampy Awards Ceremony! (Live from my lounge.)
Yes, I finally got around to it. Finally found some time in my incredibly hectic life to sit down and type some stuff for an hour or so. Time away from terrible radio disk jockeys, and horrible customers, and moaning colleagues, etc, etc. But you don't want to hear about all that rubbish and neither do I, so let's be having some award-shaped funtime!
I've polished my collection of golden Swampys, and shall start where it's only right to start. At the bottom.
Which is where I'm in trouble because there is no bottom. I don't hand out awards for crapness, so it looks like it's going to have to be a semi-randomised affair. Okay, so in first place for the first randomly selected award we have...
Actually sod it, I'm starting from the top.
Right. Let's try this again.
In first place (sort of) and the second ever recipient of the Award for Best British Blog, we have:
Who wins for being a cracking old read, and also partly through the guilt of me not realising for a whole year just how good her blog was. I feel terrible about this, but don't go thinking that this vote is a pity vote because it isn't. It certainly takes something pretty special to knock Mike off of the top spot and Anna's done just that, so jolly good show!
In second place (not really) and first ever (!) winner of the Award for Best Non-British Blog, please put your hands together for:
Alda Kalda and her Weather Report
1) She's from Iceland. 2) She writes every day. 3) She writes awfully well. 4) She's taught me all about putrid skate. 5) If I give her lots of awards maybe she'll leave me a house in Iceland in her will, or preferably give me one for Christmas. 6) I jest.
In third place... you get the idea. The Award for Best Intellectual Blog (I accidentally typed Nlog - what the hell is a nlog?) goes to:
Martin AKA Dad & his Difficulties
Yet again. This is because he's my Dad, he's the cleverest person I know, and he has poems on his blog. Poems! And he doesn't call it a blog, oh no. It's a 'blogzine' apparently.
Next up is the Award for Best Informative Blog, which amazingly has been won for the second year running (some feat considering I've only been doing this for two years) by the inimitable and oh so discerning:
You want to moan about shop assistants, crap builders, or all those things that generally hack everyone off? Go see Witchy. However, the difference between her and all those other blogs is that she is very clever and knows lots and she actually tries to make the world a better place in her own way, and I like it.
Best Funny Blog goes to the downright hilarious and rather posh:
She maketh me laff. What else is there to say?
I'm getting more succinct. Therefore the Award for Best Manly Blog goes to:
He's a man, which is a good start. He's Scottish, and as we all know all Scottish people are tough and therefore manly. He knows lots of technical things about Interweb thingy stuff and probably trucks and tanks. He runs, which is something only men are really any good at. See, very manly.
Following perfectly on from that we have the Award for Best Womanly Blog, which kind of has to go to:
BECAUSE SHE IS A WOMAN AND NOT A MAN.
This is a new one. The Award for Best Small and Furry Blog goes to the incredibly brilliant and incredibly small and furry:
If you haven't been following the rapid development of Mei Lan and her super fluffy behind what exactly have you been doing? Nothing worthwhile, that much is obvious.
Another new one. I have invented the Award for Best Foodie Blog, but I am torn, so am going to have to divide this award in half between:
Jamie and her 10 Signs & Russell's eggbaconchipsandbeans
This is because they both chart different elements of foodiness. Jamie talks about raising chickens and pigs, and Russell talks about eating them. I love them both so they are just gonna have to share. They can fight between themselves for who gets the top of the award and who gets the bottom.
Almost there. Next is the Award for Best Most Deserving of a Fanclub Blog, and AGAIN this goes to the wonderful and in all probability totally under-appreciated:
I love your blog Creepy! And if someone else doesn't beat me to it, one of these days I'm going to start up a fanclub in your honour. I am too!
And last but by no means least seeing as these are all wonderful blogs and it would be unfair to say one is first and one is last even though I just have, is the winner of the Award for The Best Blog That Mentions This Blog Blog:
Dave, the middle-aged author of e-luv
But he's done more than just mention me loads and give me my first award in over 20 years. That's right, he's also written a book. I honestly don't know where he finds the time, I really don't.
And that's that for another year. You lot will all be recieving your awards in the mail. Second class of course cos I'm a tightarse, yet I expect you to keep them all nicely buffed up and in pride of place hanging from your neck by a large gold plastic chain. You know, one of those one's you get on crap fake Chanel bags, or even real Chanel bags. If you don't have a Chanel bag then please steal one. If you're uncomfortable with this then I recommend wearing the award on your head as a hat. You'll be the most stylish person at work that day, tis for sure.
I'd like to thank my double x chromosomes and not unimpressive rack. Thank you, thank you.
Posted by: Womanly Jack | January 15, 2007 at 22:00
Yay! More awards! *starts rolling in them. Ok, so it's only three and they're all swampys but i can roll in them if I want to, dammit!!*
Posted by: Creepy Lesbo | January 15, 2007 at 22:06
Oh my oh my oh my
*fans self*
I never win anything, you see. And as you can already see I'm crappy at acceptance speeches.
Can I crack open a bottle of bubbly, even though it's a Monday??
But what I *really* mean to say is: Thank you dahling. I mean it. Kisses.
Posted by: Alda | January 15, 2007 at 22:33
OMG!
It takes a lot for me to talk in acronyms, let alone caps, but my GOD this occasion deserves it.
FFS!
ME!
Thanking you. Yay. I've never won anything before. Ever. Apart from a bottle of whiskey in a tombola in a church hall fete and even then I had to hand it straight over to the vicar because I was nine.
Stupid fucking vicar.
But yay!
Thank you!
(Sorry Mike. But also ya boo sux etc.)
Posted by: anna | January 15, 2007 at 23:25
"she actually tries to make the world a better place in her own way"
Someone noticed at last. Thank fuck. the last 4 years haven't all been wasted time after all ;)
Thank you for the honour Tim.
Your comments en blog are always appreciated too. Weeeeelll... most of the time ;)
Posted by: Blue Witch | January 16, 2007 at 09:33
Sorry, but I'm not handing that tiara over to Anna without an unseemly scuffle. I'M STILL BIG! IT'S JUST BLOGGING THAT GOT BIGGER! I AM READY FOR MY HYPERLINK, MISTER KOTTKE!
Posted by: mike | January 16, 2007 at 13:57
Michael Troubled-Diva you give that BACK. Don't be such a ... oh, the clue's in the name...
And I've always been bigger than you, Mike, it's all in the hips, sweetheart. And now I have some new heels, too, so will be taller, too.
Mwa ha ha ha ha, etc.
Posted by: anna | January 16, 2007 at 15:11
Kids, kids, please. Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. And repeat.
Posted by: Timbo | January 16, 2007 at 18:25
Holy shit.
Really?! I'm SUCH a big girl but.. ummm.. no never mind actually. I'm a big burly manly man!!! Yes I am!
Posted by: Gordon | January 16, 2007 at 19:56
You like me! You really like me!
Posted by: dave roberts | January 16, 2007 at 20:52
Despite the fact that you are unable to distinguish between a monkey and an otter I remain slightly fond of you, if only because you just gave me an award.
Posted by: NON-WORKINGMONKEY | January 17, 2007 at 00:40
I found you through Alda's Iceland Weather Report. Three cheers for 2)She writes every day. Great stuff, too. Putrid skate, the Yule Cat and the best sunset photos in the blogoverse, and much more...
And now you've found all those other blogs I don't yet know... good thing I'm home with some virus and have time to visit every one. Thanks!
Posted by: LynnH | January 17, 2007 at 01:47
Oooh, yeah! New blogs to read! How exciting!!
And Anna Little Red Boat is a genius.
Posted by: Lady Miss Marquise | January 17, 2007 at 06:51
Oh, Tim! I don't know what to say! I have been so proud of my first Swampy, and now the second one seems even sweeter. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
*clears place on mantel, er, sidebar*
Posted by: Jamie | January 17, 2007 at 12:14
woot woot woot, go JAMIE!
Posted by: Stew | January 17, 2007 at 21:12
Awwww. You guys are all very very welcome, and you're also extremely soppy.
Especially Gordon.
If this was the Oscars you'd all be doing a Gwyneth by now.
Gordon would be doing a Gwyneth first though.
And a big hello to LynnH and Stew. Nice to meet you, in a virtual bloggy way.
Posted by: Timbo | January 17, 2007 at 23:15
Darn - now I have load more good blogs to add to the reading list.
Good work the Tim
Posted by: overnight | January 17, 2007 at 23:35
Is this award just so's I keep sending you that generous cheque each month? If it is, it worked.
Much love,
Your clever Father
Posted by: Martin | January 19, 2007 at 15:37